I AM WHO I AM: If You Need to Change Me to Love Me, Walk Away

 

I AM WHO I AM

If You Need to Change Me to Love Me, Walk Away

Introduction

I am who I am.

Read that again.

I am who I am.

I am not a project. I am not a broken piece of furniture waiting for someone to sand me down, repaint me, and place me in the corner of their life where I match their décor. I am not a rough draft waiting for another human being to pick up a red pen and begin making corrections. I am not clay placed in someone's hands so they can mold me into their personal vision of who they believe I should become.

I am who I am.

Does that mean I am perfect?

Absolutely not.

Does it mean I have nothing to learn?

Of course not.

Does it mean I should never grow, mature, listen, compromise, apologize, or make changes in my life?

No.

Growth is part of living. Maturity is part of aging. Wisdom is often born from mistakes. There are things about myself that I have changed over the years because I decided they needed to change. There are behaviors I have examined. There are mistakes I have acknowledged. There are lessons I have learned the hard way. I hope I continue learning until the day I take my final breath.

But there is an enormous difference between choosing to grow and being forced to become someone else.

There is a difference between someone encouraging you and someone controlling you.

There is a difference between someone loving you enough to tell you the truth and someone constantly telling you that who you are is not good enough.

There is a difference between compromise and surrender.

There is a difference between adjusting a behavior and erasing your identity.

Somewhere in this world today, a person is sitting quietly wondering what happened to them.

They used to laugh louder.

They used to speak freely.

They used to have opinions.

They used to have friends.

They used to enjoy hobbies.

They used to wear what they liked.

They used to go places they enjoyed.

They used to dream.

They used to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Then someone entered their life and slowly, carefully, and perhaps even methodically began changing them.

A comment here.

A criticism there.

A disapproving look.

A sarcastic remark.

A threat to leave.

A cold shoulder.

A period of silence.

An accusation.

A comparison.

A demand.

A little emotional pressure.

A little intimidation.

A little bullying.

And slowly, almost invisibly, that person began disappearing.

This article is for that person.

It is also for the person doing the changing.

If you look at the person beside you and constantly think, If only they were different, perhaps you need to ask yourself a difficult question.

Why are you there?

If you cannot accept who someone fundamentally is, stop trying to rebuild them into the person living inside your imagination.

Walk away.

And if someone is systematically dismantling who you are in an effort to create the person they want you to become, perhaps you need to ask yourself an equally difficult question.

Why are you staying?

I am who I am.

And sometimes the healthiest words we will ever say are these:

If who I am is not enough for you, walk away.

The Person You Met Was the Person Standing in Front of You

One of the strangest things we do in relationships is meet someone, learn who they are, observe how they live, understand their personality, and then decide to enter into a relationship with them only to immediately begin trying to change them.

Think about that.

You met an outgoing person and now you want them to be quiet.

You met an independent person and now you want them to be dependent upon you.

You met someone who loves people and now you are angry because they enjoy being around people.

You met someone who is driven and now you complain that they work too hard.

You met someone who loves golf, fishing, painting, writing, gardening, traveling, exercising, or spending time with friends and now you want them to stop doing the very things they loved before they ever met you.

You met someone with opinions and now you want silence.

You met someone with confidence and now you call it arrogance.

You met someone who speaks directly and now you demand that they carefully measure every word so you are never uncomfortable.

You met someone who laughs loudly and now you tell them they are embarrassing.

You met someone who dreamed big and now you tell them to be realistic.

Why?

Why do we do this to people?

Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of a person rather than the actual person.

We see their potential through our eyes.

We create an imaginary version of them in our mind.

We begin thinking about how wonderful everything would be if they would just change a few things.

Then a few things become a few more things.

Before long, we are no longer loving the person standing in front of us. We are loving a fictional character we have created and becoming angry because the real person refuses to play the role.

That is not love.

Love does not require someone to audition every morning for the privilege of remaining in your life.

Encouragement Is Not Control

There will be people reading this who immediately say, "But shouldn't we help the people we love become better?"

Yes.

Absolutely.

But understand the difference between encouragement and control.

Encouragement says, "I believe in you."

Control says, "You need to become what I believe you should be."

Encouragement says, "How can I support you?"

Control says, "Do what I tell you."

Encouragement respects your decisions.

Control punishes you for making decisions it does not approve of.

Encouragement allows disagreement.

Control demands compliance.

Encouragement strengthens your voice.

Control slowly silences it.

Encouragement helps you become more of yourself.

Control attempts to turn you into someone else.

The distinction is incredibly important because control rarely introduces itself by saying, "Hello. I am here to destroy your identity."

It often arrives disguised as concern.

"I'm only telling you this because I love you."

"I'm trying to help you."

"You would be so much better if you would listen to me."

"Why can't you just do this one thing for me?"

"If you really loved me, you would change."

"Everyone agrees with me."

"You're the problem."

"You always do this."

"You never listen."

"Maybe I should just leave."

Over time, these statements can begin to reshape a person's perception of themselves.

They begin questioning their judgment.

They begin apologizing when they have done nothing wrong.

They begin asking permission for things they once freely decided.

They begin carefully monitoring their words.

They begin reading facial expressions.

They begin listening to tones of voice.

They begin anticipating reactions.

They begin managing another person's emotions.

And somewhere in that exhausting process, they lose contact with themselves.

The Slow Disappearance of Self

Losing yourself usually does not happen in a single dramatic moment.

It happens one concession at a time.

You stop calling a friend because it creates an argument.

You stop wearing something because someone makes a comment.

You stop sharing an opinion because you know it will become a three hour discussion.

You stop going somewhere because the emotional consequences are not worth it.

You stop laughing at something because you are told it is inappropriate.

You stop talking about your dreams because someone dismisses them.

You stop defending yourself because defending yourself only makes the situation worse.

Eventually, silence becomes easier.

Compliance becomes easier.

Isolation becomes easier.

And that is when something dangerous begins to happen inside the human spirit.

We become disconnected from ourselves.

We wake up one morning and look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person looking back at us.

Where did I go?

What happened to me?

Why am I so unhappy?

Why do I feel alone when someone is sitting three feet away?

Why am I anxious?

Why am I constantly on edge?

Why do I feel as though I am walking through an emotional minefield?

Why do I feel empty?

Perhaps it is because you have spent so much time becoming acceptable to someone else that you have become a stranger to yourself.

There is an emotional price for betraying yourself.

The human spirit knows when it is being suppressed.

Your mind knows when your words are being censored.

Your heart knows when your feelings are being dismissed.

Your body knows when you are constantly living under emotional pressure.

You can pretend.

You can smile.

You can tell everyone everything is fine.

You can post beautiful pictures.

You can attend dinner parties.

You can shake hands.

You can laugh at jokes.

But inside, something is screaming.

Where did I go?

Belittling Is Not Love

If someone must make you feel small in order to feel powerful, that is not love.

If someone constantly mocks your intelligence, dismisses your accomplishments, ridicules your dreams, or attacks your character, that is not constructive criticism.

That is erosion.

A rock does not disappear because one wave hits it.

It disappears because wave after wave strikes the same place.

Human confidence can erode the same way.

One insult may not destroy you.

One criticism may not change you.

One sarcastic comment may not silence you.

But imagine hearing them repeatedly.

Day after day.

Month after month.

Year after year.

"You're ridiculous."

"Nobody cares."

"That's stupid."

"You think you're so smart."

"Here we go again."

"Why can't you be normal?"

"Nobody else would put up with you."

"You should be grateful I'm here."

Words matter.

Tone matters.

Repetition matters.

The people closest to us have extraordinary access to our emotional core. Their words can strengthen us or weaken us.

The tragedy is that some people use that access as a weapon.

Threats and Intimidation Change the Relationship

The moment someone begins using threats to force change, the relationship changes.

"If you don't change, I'm leaving."

"If you do that again, you'll regret it."

"You better listen to me."

"Just wait."

"I'll make sure everyone knows what you're really like."

Threats create fear.

Fear creates compliance.

Compliance may look like change.

But it is not growth.

A person who changes because they are afraid is not becoming better. They are learning how to survive.

There is a profound difference.

You cannot bully someone into becoming emotionally healthy.

You cannot intimidate someone into becoming loving.

You cannot threaten someone into becoming compatible with you.

You may temporarily change their behavior.

You may silence them.

You may frighten them.

You may force compliance.

But underneath that compliance, resentment is growing.

Pain is growing.

Loneliness is growing.

Distance is growing.

Eventually something breaks.

Sometimes the relationship breaks.

Sometimes the person breaks.

Sometimes both do.

Stop Trying to Create Your Perfect Person

If you are constantly trying to change the person in your life, I want you to consider something.

Perhaps they are not the problem.

Perhaps the problem is that you are demanding they become someone they never promised to be.

You have created a vision.

Your ideal spouse.

Your ideal partner.

Your ideal friend.

Your ideal child.

Your ideal employee.

Your ideal family member.

Then you place a real human being beside that imaginary person and constantly measure the difference.

Why can't you be more affectionate?

Why can't you be more ambitious?

Why can't you be quieter?

Why can't you be more social?

Why can't you be more organized?

Why can't you be more spontaneous?

Why can't you think like me?

Why can't you vote like me?

Why can't you worship like me?

Why can't you communicate like me?

Why can't you love like me?

Perhaps because they are not you.

They are themselves.

You have two choices.

Accept them or walk away.

There may be legitimate behaviors that must change in any healthy relationship. Abuse, addiction, dishonesty, betrayal, violence, and destructive behaviors cannot simply be excused with the words, "I am who I am."

Accountability matters.

Character matters.

Integrity matters.

But personality is not a character defect.

Individuality is not a disease.

Different is not broken.

If the fundamental person standing in front of you is someone you cannot accept, stop punishing them for failing to become your fantasy.

Walk away.

I Refuse to Apologize for Existing

There comes a moment in life when you must reclaim yourself.

You must remember who you were before you became afraid of someone's reaction.

You must remember what made you laugh.

You must remember what made you excited.

You must remember your dreams.

You must remember your voice.

You must remember your strength.

You must remember that you existed before this person entered your life.

You had thoughts.

You had beliefs.

You had interests.

You had passions.

You had friends.

You had a personality.

You had a life.

Perhaps you changed so gradually that you did not notice yourself disappearing.

Now it is time to come home.

Home to yourself.

This does not mean becoming selfish.

It does not mean refusing to compromise.

It does not mean becoming arrogant.

It does not mean ignoring the feelings of others.

It means refusing to erase yourself to make another person comfortable.

It means saying, "I will listen to you, but I will not surrender my identity to you."

It means saying, "I will consider your feelings, but I will not live in fear of them."

It means saying, "I will grow, but I will choose the direction of my growth."

It means saying, "I will apologize when I am wrong, but I will not apologize for being alive."

I am who I am.

Sometimes Walking Away Is the Most Loving Decision

We have been taught that walking away means failure.

Sometimes it does not.

Sometimes walking away is honesty.

If you spend every day wishing the person beside you were someone else, perhaps leaving is kinder than spending the next twenty years criticizing them.

If everything they do irritates you, leave.

If their personality embarrasses you, leave.

If their dreams annoy you, leave.

If their voice bothers you, leave.

If their interests make you angry, leave.

If you constantly imagine how much happier you would be if they changed, leave.

Give them the opportunity to find someone who appreciates the person they already are.

And give yourself the opportunity to find someone whose natural personality is more compatible with yours.

Stop holding someone emotionally hostage while demanding they transform themselves to earn your approval.

Likewise, if you are constantly being diminished, controlled, bullied, threatened, manipulated, intimidated, or emotionally punished for being yourself, you must seriously examine why you remain.

How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice?

How quiet are you willing to become?

How small are you willing to feel?

How many dreams are you willing to abandon?

How many friendships are you willing to lose?

How many years are you willing to spend walking on eggshells?

How much of your identity must disappear before you finally say, "Enough"?

Sometimes walking away is not giving up on someone.

Sometimes it is refusing to give up on yourself.

Conclusion

I am who I am.

At sixty eight years old, I have lived long enough to understand something I wish more people understood when they were younger.

Life is incredibly short.

We spend years trying to impress people.

Years trying to satisfy people.

Years trying to avoid disappointing people.

Years changing our clothes, our words, our behavior, our dreams, our opinions, and sometimes our entire personality in an effort to earn acceptance.

Then one day we look at the calendar and realize decades have passed.

Where did the time go?

More importantly, where did we go?

There is nothing noble about spending your entire life pretending to be someone you are not.

There is nothing romantic about constantly being told you need to change.

There is nothing loving about being bullied into silence.

There is nothing healthy about living under threats.

There is nothing beautiful about emotional intimidation.

There is nothing admirable about surrendering your identity because you are afraid someone may leave.

Let them leave.

Yes, I said it.

Let them leave.

If someone can only love a modified version of you, they are not loving you.

They are loving their vision of you.

If someone needs you to become quieter, smaller, weaker, less ambitious, less social, less passionate, less expressive, and less alive so they can feel comfortable, perhaps they are not your person.

And if you are the person doing the changing, stop.

Look at the person beside you.

Really look at them.

Is this someone you can accept?

Not the imaginary version.

Not the future version.

Not the version you believe will emerge after another five years of criticism.

The person standing in front of you today.

Can you love that person?

Can you respect that person?

Can you allow that person to be themselves?

If the answer is no, have the courage to walk away.

Do not spend years dismantling another human being simply because they failed to become the person you imagined.

And to the person who has been disappearing, I want you to hear me.

Find yourself again.

Find your voice.

Find your laughter.

Find your dreams.

Find your friends.

Find your confidence.

Find the things that once made your eyes light up.

Find the person who existed before you began carefully measuring every word and anticipating every reaction.

You are allowed to grow.

You are allowed to change.

You are allowed to mature.

You are allowed to become wiser.

But growth should expand you, not erase you.

Change should strengthen you, not silence you.

Love should give you room to breathe, not make you afraid to inhale.

I am who I am.

You are who you are.

Perhaps we fit together.

Perhaps we do not.

Perhaps our personalities complement each other.

Perhaps they collide.

Perhaps our dreams travel in the same direction.

Perhaps our roads are taking us to entirely different destinations.

That is life.

Not every person is meant to remain in our lives forever.

But no human being should have to destroy themselves to convince another person to stay.

So here is my message.

If you love me, walk beside me.

If you care about me, encourage me.

If I am wrong, tell me the truth.

If I fall, help me stand.

If I make a mistake, allow me to learn.

If I need to grow, give me room to grow.

But do not belittle me.

Do not bully me.

Do not threaten me.

Do not intimidate me.

Do not manipulate me.

Do not slowly dismantle the person I am because you have decided you would prefer someone else.

If you want someone else, go find them.

I am who I am.

I will continue learning.

I will continue growing.

I will continue making mistakes.

I will continue trying to become a better version of myself.

But I will not become your version of me.

And if the person I am is not the person you want me to be, there is a door.

You are free to walk through it.

Because sometimes the most powerful act of self-respect is finally having the courage to say:

I am who I am. If you need me to become someone else to love me, walk away.

Bill Conley

America's Favorite Life Coach

 

STAY IN YOUR OWN LAME: Minding Your Own Business May Be The Greatest Signs Of Maturity.

STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE

Minding Your Own Business May Be One of the Greatest Signs of Maturity

By Bill Conley

America's Favorite Life Coach

There was a time when many of us were taught a very simple lesson.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

What happened to that lesson?

Where did it go?

When did we decide that every thought that enters our mind must immediately come out of our mouth or be typed onto a keyboard and broadcast to the entire world?

When did criticism become entertainment?

When did tearing another human being apart become a hobby?

When did people begin believing that they somehow possess the authority to publicly evaluate, criticize, condemn, ridicule, embarrass, and humiliate people they have never met, do not know, and probably never will know?

We have developed a strange culture of commentary.

Everyone has an opinion.

Everyone has a platform.

Everyone has a microphone.

Everyone has a keyboard.

Everyone believes the world is anxiously waiting to hear what they think.

But here is something we desperately need to understand.

Just because you can say something does not mean you should say it.

Just because you have an opinion does not mean the world needs to hear it.

Just because someone lives publicly does not mean you have been given permission to tear that person apart.

And just because hundreds or thousands of other people are criticizing someone does not mean you have been appointed spokesperson for the majority.

Who gave you that authority?

Who appointed you judge?

Who handed you the gavel?

Who gave you the right to look into the life of another human being and declare that you understand their motives, their heart, their struggles, their intentions, or their character?

You saw a picture.

You watched a thirty-second video.

You read a headline.

You heard a rumor.

You listened to someone else's opinion.

And suddenly, you know everything?

No.

You don't.

The truth is that most people know very little about the people they criticize.

They don't know what happened that morning.

They don't know what happened in that person's childhood.

They don't know what is happening inside their home.

They don't know what private battle that person may be fighting.

They don't know the entire conversation.

They don't know the complete story.

They don't know the context.

Yet they attack.

They criticize.

They mock.

They belittle.

They insult.

They post.

They share.

They pile on.

And somehow they walk away believing they made the other person look small.

What they often fail to realize is that their words may have revealed far more about themselves than they ever revealed about the person they were attacking.

When you constantly try to make other people look small, you may be showing the world how small you feel inside.

It is time for some people to learn a very important lesson.

Stay in your own lane.

Mind your own business.

Work on your own life.

Fix your own problems.

Heal your own wounds.

Build your own dreams.

Strengthen your own relationships.

Improve your own character.

And before you publicly criticize another human being, ask yourself one very important question.

Why do I feel the need to say this at all?

THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED EVERY THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD

One of the strangest developments of the modern age is the belief that every thought deserves an audience.

It doesn't.

You may think someone's hair looks ridiculous.

Keep scrolling.

You may dislike someone's clothing.

Keep scrolling.

You may think someone is too heavy, too thin, too old, too young, too loud, too quiet, too successful, too confident, too happy, too proud, too emotional, or too different.

Keep scrolling.

Why must you say something?

Seriously.

Why?

What exactly are you hoping to accomplish?

Are you helping the person?

Are you educating the world?

Are you solving a problem?

Are you making society better?

Or are you simply attempting to experience a brief moment of superiority by putting another human being beneath you?

That is the question many people do not want to answer.

Because sometimes criticism has very little to do with the person being criticized.

Sometimes it is about the critic.

It may be about insecurity.

It may be about jealousy.

It may be about anger.

It may be about frustration.

It may be about loneliness.

It may be about a desperate need for attention.

It may be about wanting approval from a group.

It may be about feeling invisible and discovering that a cruel comment generates responses.

People notice you.

People like your comment.

People agree with you.

People laugh.

For a few seconds, you feel important.

But at whose expense?

Another human being.

Think about that.

You traded another person's dignity for a moment of attention.

Was it worth it?

YOU DO NOT KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE ATTACKING

I am continually amazed by people who speak with absolute certainty about people they have never met.

They say, "He is arrogant."

How do you know?

"She is a terrible person."

Have you met her?

"He doesn't care about anyone."

Did he tell you that?

"She only did that for attention."

Were you inside her mind?

"He thinks he is better than everyone."

Did you have a private conversation with him?

No.

You are guessing.

You are assuming.

You are creating a story and then reacting emotionally to the story you created.

We do this constantly.

A person watches a fifteen-second video and believes they understand a forty-year-old human being.

A person reads one post and believes they understand someone's entire philosophy of life.

A person sees a photograph and begins analyzing a marriage.

A person watches a celebrity walk past a crowd without stopping and declares that person rude.

Maybe they were late.

Maybe they were sick.

Maybe they had just received devastating news.

Maybe they were worried about their child.

Maybe security told them to keep moving.

Maybe they simply didn't hear the person calling their name.

You don't know.

Yet within minutes, someone posts, "I always knew that person was horrible."

You always knew?

You have never met them.

This is the insanity of modern criticism.

People are creating entire character profiles of strangers based on tiny fragments of information.

Then they confidently present those assumptions as facts.

That is not wisdom.

That is arrogance.

WHO APPOINTED YOU SPOKESPERSON FOR EVERYONE ELSE?

Another phrase I find fascinating is this:

"Everyone thinks..."

Really?

Everyone?

Did you conduct a survey?

Did you speak with eight billion people?

"Nobody likes..."

Nobody?

Are you certain?

"We all know..."

Who is "we"?

Be very careful when someone begins speaking on behalf of everyone.

Many people use imaginary crowds to strengthen weak opinions.

Instead of saying, "I don't like what this person did," they say, "Everyone is tired of this person."

No.

You are tired of that person.

Own your opinion.

Do not hide behind an imaginary army of people you have appointed yourself to represent.

You do not speak for everyone.

You speak for yourself.

And sometimes you may want to ask yourself whether your opinion needs to be spoken publicly at all.

Freedom of speech gives you the ability to express yourself.

It does not guarantee that everything you say is intelligent, necessary, compassionate, informed, or helpful.

You are free to speak.

You are also free to remain silent.

Sometimes silence is wisdom.

Sometimes silence is maturity.

Sometimes silence is strength.

Sometimes the most intelligent comment you will ever make is the comment you decide not to post.

BEFORE YOU HIT "POST," STOP

I wish social media had a button that appeared before certain comments were published.

It would simply say:

ARE YOU SURE?

Are you sure you want the world to see this?

Are you sure this represents who you are?

Are you sure you know the entire story?

Are you sure your information is correct?

Are you sure you would say this directly to the person's face?

Are you sure you want your children to read this?

Are you sure you want your employer to read this?

Are you sure you want your family to read this?

Are you sure you will feel proud of these words five years from now?

And perhaps the most important question:

Are you sure this needs to be said?

If the answer is no, delete it.

Delete the comment.

Put down the phone.

Close the computer.

Walk outside.

Take a drive.

Call a friend.

Read a book.

Play with your children.

Work on your business.

Clean your garage.

Mow your lawn.

Do anything productive.

But stop believing that the world will somehow become a better place because you publicly told a stranger that you hate their hair.

CRUELTY IS NOT STRENGTH

Some people believe being cruel makes them look powerful.

It doesn't.

Calling someone names does not make you intelligent.

Mocking someone's appearance does not make you attractive.

Ridiculing someone's failure does not make you successful.

Attacking someone's intelligence does not make you wise.

Humiliating another person does not make you important.

It may do exactly the opposite.

It may reveal a person desperately attempting to elevate themselves by pushing someone else down.

Strong people do not need to destroy other people to feel strong.

Confident people do not need to constantly announce the weaknesses of others.

Secure people are not threatened by someone else's success.

Happy people generally do not spend their entire day searching for strangers to hate.

There is an old concept that deserves to be remembered.

Hurt people sometimes hurt people.

That does not excuse cruelty.

But it may explain some of it.

When I see someone relentlessly attacking others, I sometimes wonder what is happening inside that person.

Why so much anger?

Why so much bitterness?

Why the constant need to criticize?

Why the obsession with finding fault?

Why does another person's happiness bother you?

Why does another person's success irritate you?

Why does someone's appearance make you angry?

Why are you spending your valuable time analyzing the life of someone you claim not to like?

Perhaps the person you need to examine is not the person on your screen.

Perhaps the person you need to examine is the person in the mirror.

STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE

Imagine driving down a highway.

You have your lane.

Other drivers have theirs.

Your responsibility is to safely operate your vehicle.

But imagine spending the entire trip staring into other cars.

Look at his shirt.

Look at her hair.

Why is he driving that car?

Why did she buy that vehicle?

Look at those people.

I don't like the way they're sitting.

I don't like the music they're playing.

I don't like where they're going.

Eventually, you are going to crash your own car.

Why?

Because you were so busy watching everyone else that you stopped paying attention to your own lane.

That is exactly what some people are doing with their lives.

They know everything about everyone else.

They know which celebrity gained weight.

They know which athlete made a mistake.

They know which politician said something foolish.

They know which neighbor bought a new car.

They know which family is having problems.

They know who got divorced.

They know who lost their job.

They know who posted what.

They know who wore what.

They know who said what.

Ask them about their own dreams.

Silence.

Ask them about their goals.

Silence.

Ask them what they are doing to improve their health.

Silence.

Ask them what book they are reading.

Silence.

Ask them what new skill they are learning.

Silence.

Ask them what they are doing to strengthen their marriage.

Silence.

Ask them what they are doing to build their future.

Silence.

They have become experts on everyone else's life while becoming strangers to their own.

Stay in your own lane.

Your lane needs your attention.

THE PERSON YOU ATTACK MAY ACTUALLY READ YOUR WORDS

Here is something people seem to forget.

The person on the other side of the screen is a human being.

A real human being.

They have feelings.

They have fears.

They have insecurities.

They have families.

They have children.

They may be struggling.

They may already be questioning themselves.

They may be having one of the worst days of their life.

And then your comment appears.

"You're ugly."

"You're stupid."

"Nobody likes you."

"You should disappear."

"You're a failure."

Perhaps you typed it in ten seconds.

Perhaps you laughed.

Perhaps you forgot about it five minutes later.

But what if they didn't?

What if they read it twenty times?

What if your words became the final weight added to a person already carrying more than you could imagine?

Words matter.

I know we like to pretend they don't.

We say, "Don't be so sensitive."

We say, "It's just social media."

We say, "I was only joking."

But words can stay inside a person's mind for years.

Most of us can remember something cruel someone said to us decades ago.

Think about that.

A sentence may take five seconds to speak and fifty years to forget.

Why would you deliberately place that burden inside another human being?

IF YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT TO THEIR FACE, DON'T TYPE IT

The keyboard has created an army of artificial courage.

People type things they would never say standing three feet from another human being.

They become warriors behind a screen.

They insult.

They threaten.

They mock.

They curse.

They ridicule.

Then they put the phone down and continue with their day.

Here is a simple test.

Imagine the person standing directly in front of you.

Look into their eyes.

Now read your comment out loud.

Would you say it?

Would you tell a woman to her face that she is ugly?

Would you tell a man standing in front of you that he is worthless?

Would you walk up to someone's child and say their mother is disgusting?

Would you walk into a restaurant and scream your hateful political opinion at every table?

Probably not.

Then why does a screen suddenly make it acceptable?

Character is who you are when you believe there will be no consequences.

Your social media history may reveal more about your character than you realize.

DISAGREEMENT DOES NOT REQUIRE DESTRUCTION

Let me make something very clear.

You are allowed to disagree.

You are allowed to have opinions.

You are allowed to challenge ideas.

You are allowed to criticize policies.

You are allowed to question decisions.

You are allowed to participate in debate.

But disagreement does not require destruction.

You can say, "I disagree with his position."

You do not have to say, "He is a worthless idiot."

You can say, "I don't believe her argument is correct."

You do not have to attack her appearance.

You can say, "I would have handled the situation differently."

You do not have to humiliate the person.

We have lost the ability to separate ideas from human beings.

If I disagree with you, I must hate you.

If you vote differently, you are my enemy.

If you attend a different church, you are ignorant.

If you support a different team, you are stupid.

If you live differently, you are wrong.

What are we doing?

We are turning every difference into a battlefield.

We are turning every conversation into a war.

We are turning neighbors into enemies.

And many people are becoming addicted to the conflict.

YOUR NEGATIVITY IS BUILDING YOUR REPUTATION

You may think you are damaging the person you criticize.

But people are also watching you.

They notice that every comment you make is negative.

They notice that every conversation eventually becomes criticism.

They notice that you always have something bad to say about someone.

They notice the sarcasm.

They notice the bitterness.

They notice the anger.

They notice the jealousy.

They notice the cruelty.

Eventually, people become cautious around you.

Why?

Because if you talk about everyone else, they know you probably talk about them.

If you publicly humiliate strangers, what will you say about your friends?

If you expose everyone's mistakes, what will you do when someone confides in you?

Negativity destroys trust.

Constant criticism creates distance.

Cruelty may attract an audience, but it rarely builds meaningful relationships.

Be careful of the reputation you are creating one comment at a time.

TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT: SAY SOMETHING KIND

Here is a radical idea.

Say something nice.

Seriously.

Try it.

Tell someone they look wonderful.

Congratulate someone on their success.

Tell a parent they are doing a good job.

Encourage someone who is struggling.

Thank someone who helped you.

Compliment a stranger.

Celebrate someone's accomplishment.

Write a positive comment.

Share an uplifting message.

You may be amazed at what happens.

Kindness feels different.

Encouragement feels different.

Building people up feels different.

And the fascinating thing about kindness is that it often returns to the person giving it.

When you constantly search for what is wrong with people, the world begins to look ugly.

When you deliberately search for what is good in people, the world begins to look different.

Your attention shapes your experience.

If you spend your day searching for people to criticize, you will always find them.

If you spend your day searching for people to encourage, you will find them too.

The choice is yours.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Those four words may offend some people.

Good.

Maybe we need to hear them.

Mind your own business.

Not everything requires your involvement.

Not every argument needs your opinion.

Not every rumor needs your investigation.

Not every mistake needs your commentary.

Not every person needs your evaluation.

Not every social media post requires your response.

Sometimes you need to look at something and say:

That has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Then move on.

There is freedom in that.

You don't have to carry every controversy.

You don't have to participate in every debate.

You don't have to become emotionally involved in the lives of strangers.

You have a life.

Live it.

You have people who love you.

Love them.

You have dreams.

Pursue them.

You have problems.

Solve them.

You have weaknesses.

Work on them.

You have gifts.

Develop them.

You have limited time on this earth.

Stop wasting it trying to make strangers feel miserable.

CONCLUSION: THE WORLD NEEDS FEWER CRITICS AND MORE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS

We need to wake up.

We truly do.

We have created a world where cruelty can travel around the planet in seconds.

A thought enters someone's mind, their fingers begin moving, and within moments a human being they have never met is being publicly criticized.

Why?

Because they can.

Because the technology allows it.

Because everyone else is doing it.

Because cruelty gets attention.

Because anger creates engagement.

Because controversy generates responses.

But somewhere along the way, we must remember something far more important than clicks, likes, shares, followers, and comments.

We are human beings talking to other human beings.

That person you are attacking has a life you know nothing about.

They have a story.

They have wounds.

They have fears.

They have memories.

They have people who love them.

They may have children who read what you wrote.

They may have parents who see the attacks.

They may be sitting alone at night wondering why thousands of strangers suddenly hate them.

And you?

You may have contributed to their pain without knowing a single meaningful thing about them.

Think about that before you post.

You do not know everything.

Neither do I.

None of us do.

We see fragments.

We hear pieces.

We receive incomplete information.

We form opinions.

But an opinion is not always truth.

An assumption is not knowledge.

A rumor is not evidence.

And a crowd is not automatically right.

Stop appointing yourself the judge of people you have never met.

Stop speaking for "everyone."

Stop assuming you understand another person's heart.

Stop believing that your criticism somehow elevates you.

It doesn't.

When you attempt to make another person look small, you may actually be showing the world the smallness of your own behavior.

When you mock someone's appearance, people see your cruelty.

When you celebrate someone's failure, people see your insecurity.

When you constantly criticize, people see your negativity.

When you publicly humiliate another human being, people may remember your words long after they forget the person you were attacking.

Your words create your reputation.

Your words reveal your character.

Your words leave footprints.

Choose them carefully.

Before you criticize someone, ask yourself whether you know the entire story.

You probably don't.

Before you post something cruel, ask yourself whether you would say it to the person's face.

You probably wouldn't.

Before you attempt to embarrass someone, ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish.

Before you attack a stranger, ask yourself why their life has become more important to you than improving your own.

And before you hit that button that sends your anger into the world, remember the lesson many of us learned when we were children.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Maybe it sounds old-fashioned.

Maybe it sounds simplistic.

Maybe some people will roll their eyes.

I don't care.

Perhaps old-fashioned kindness is exactly what this modern world desperately needs.

Stay in your own lane.

Mind your own business.

Stop trying to tear people down.

Stop publicly attacking people you don't know.

Stop pretending you have been appointed to speak for the world.

Work on yourself.

Build your life.

Love your family.

Encourage your friends.

Help someone who is struggling.

Celebrate another person's success.

Offer a kind word.

Be the person who makes a room feel better when you enter it, not the person everyone fears will begin criticizing someone the moment they leave.

You have a choice every time you open your mouth.

You have a choice every time you pick up your phone.

You have a choice every time your fingers touch a keyboard.

You can add more anger to the world.

You can add more bitterness.

You can add more criticism.

You can add more humiliation.

You can add more pain.

Or you can add something this world can never have too much of.

Kindness.

The next time you are tempted to publicly attack another human being, stop.

Delete the comment.

Put down the phone.

Look at your own life.

Look at your own lane.

And start driving.

The world does not need another critic standing on the sidelines pointing out everyone else's flaws. The world needs more decent human beings willing to work on themselves, encourage others, and understand that sometimes the kindest, wisest, and most mature thing you can possibly say is absolutely nothing at all.

Enough With The Hate: we may disagree on policies, but we must never forget we are all Americans together.

ENOUGH WITH THE HATE

You Do Not Have to Agree With Donald Trump to Stop Trying to Destroy Him

By Bill Conley

America's Favorite Life Coach

There comes a point when disagreement stops being disagreement.

There comes a point when criticism stops being criticism.

There comes a point when political opposition becomes something much darker, much more personal, and, quite frankly, much more consuming.

We are there.

For years, I have watched people speak about President Donald J. Trump with a level of anger, bitterness, disgust, and outright hatred that I find difficult to understand.

I am not talking about disagreeing with a policy.

Disagree.

I am not talking about questioning a decision.

Question it.

I am not talking about debating immigration, taxes, tariffs, foreign policy, government spending, healthcare, education, or the role of the federal government.

Debate all of it.

That is America.

That is freedom.

That is part of living in a constitutional republic where citizens are allowed to have strong opinions and express them.

But seriously, people, what has happened to us?

Some people cannot hear the name Donald Trump without becoming angry.

They cannot see his picture without making a cruel comment.

They cannot watch him speak without looking for something to mock.

They cannot hear about an accomplishment without immediately searching for a reason to dismiss it.

They cannot acknowledge one positive quality.

Not one.

Nothing.

Zero.

Think about that.

We are talking about another human being.

A father.

A grandfather.

A husband.

A businessman.

A political leader.

The President of the United States.

The Commander in Chief.

Yet there are people who speak about him as though he is not even human.

They ridicule his hair.

They criticize his weight.

They mock his voice.

They imitate his mannerisms.

They attack his family.

They question his intelligence.

They analyze every facial expression.

They dissect every sentence.

They assign motives to his every action.

They take a few words, a photograph, a clip, or a headline and build an entire story around it.

Then they share it.

They repost it.

They repeat it.

They add another insult.

Another cruel comment.

Another joke.

Another attack.

And somehow they believe Donald Trump is the one who looks bad?

I want to ask a very simple question.

What is all this hatred doing to you?

Seriously.

What is it doing to your heart?

What is it doing to your mind?

What is it doing to your relationships?

What is it doing to your peace?

What is it doing to the way you see your fellow Americans?

You say you hate Donald Trump.

Okay.

But you have never met him.

You have never sat across a kitchen table from him.

You have never had dinner with him.

You have never traveled with him.

You have never spent a private afternoon talking with him.

You have never looked into his eyes and asked him what he truly believes.

You have never been inside his mind.

You do not know his private fears.

You do not know every conversation he has with his children.

You do not know what keeps him awake at night.

You do not know every burden he carries as President of the United States.

Yet some of you speak as though you know the man better than his own family.

How?

Where did you get your information?

A television network?

A newspaper?

A TikTok video?

Facebook?

Instagram?

A podcast?

A comedian?

A politician who despises him?

A twenty-second video clip?

A headline written specifically to get your attention?

And from that, you have concluded that you understand the entire heart, soul, character, and motivation of a human being you have never met?

Come on.

We can do better than this.

We must do better than this.

The phrase "Trump Derangement Syndrome" is thrown around to describe what supporters see as an irrational or obsessive hostility toward Donald Trump. It is not a medical diagnosis, and I am not using it as one.

I am talking about a behavior.

I am talking about the inability to separate political disagreement from personal hatred.

I am talking about people allowing one man to occupy so much space in their minds that his very existence seems to control their emotions.

I am talking about waking up angry at Trump.

Going through the day angry at Trump.

Watching television and becoming angry at Trump.

Opening social media and becoming angry at Trump.

Going to dinner and talking about Trump.

Going on vacation and talking about Trump.

Going to bed angry at Trump.

At some point, you have to ask yourself a question.

Who is controlling whom?

YOU MAY NOT KNOW DONALD TRUMP AS WELL AS YOU THINK YOU DO

We live in a strange age.

People believe information equals knowledge.

It doesn't.

You can consume thousands of stories about someone and still not know that person.

You know a presentation.

You know an interpretation.

You know selected moments.

You know clips.

You know quotes.

You know headlines.

You know accusations.

You know opinions.

But do you know the human being?

Probably not.

And neither do I.

Let me be very clear about that.

I do not claim to personally know Donald Trump.

I have not spent years privately interacting with him.

Therefore, I am not going to pretend that I know every thought in his mind or every motivation in his heart.

Why, then, are so many critics willing to do exactly that?

"Trump only cares about himself."

How do you know?

"He hates these people."

How do you know?

"He wants to destroy America."

How do you know?

"He wakes up every morning thinking about revenge."

Were you in the room?

"He doesn't care about the American people."

Did he personally tell you that?

At some point, we need to recognize the difference between a fact and an assumption.

We also need to recognize the difference between someone's actions and our interpretation of those actions.

Two people can watch the exact same speech and walk away with completely different conclusions.

One person says, "He was strong."

Another says, "He was arrogant."

One says, "He was confident."

Another says, "He was narcissistic."

One says, "He was direct."

Another says, "He was cruel."

Same speech.

Same words.

Different filters.

That should tell us something.

We do not see the world exactly as it is.

We often see the world through the filter we have developed.

If you have spent years being told that Donald Trump is evil, dangerous, stupid, hateful, and corrupt, what do you think you are going to see when you watch him?

You are going to search for evidence that confirms what you already believe.

This is called confirmation bias.

We all do it.

Republicans do it.

Democrats do it.

Conservatives do it.

Liberals do it.

I do it.

You do it.

The question is whether we are mature enough to recognize it.

WHAT IF YOUR INFORMATION HAS BEEN SHAPED FOR YOU?

Here is a question many people do not want to consider.

What if some of what you believe about Donald Trump has been shaped by the information you repeatedly consume?

I said some.

Think about that word before becoming angry.

Some.

What if the programs you watch select stories they know will keep you emotionally engaged?

What if social media algorithms repeatedly show you content similar to material you have already watched?

What if outrage keeps you clicking?

What if anger keeps you watching?

What if fear keeps you coming back tomorrow?

This is not unique to one political side.

Media organizations compete for attention.

Social media platforms compete for engagement.

Political organizations compete for votes.

Commentators compete for audiences.

Anger is powerful.

Fear is powerful.

Hatred is powerful.

If someone can keep you emotionally agitated, they can often keep your attention.

Now ask yourself this.

How many positive stories about Donald Trump do you actively seek?

How many full speeches have you watched from beginning to end without someone interrupting to tell you what you are supposed to think?

How many times have you read an entire transcript instead of a headline?

How often have you intentionally listened to someone who supports him?

Not to attack them.

Not to laugh at them.

Not to prove them wrong.

Simply to understand why they believe what they believe.

If your answer is never, then perhaps your information world is smaller than you realize.

WE ELECTED A PRESIDENT, NOT A PERFECT HUMAN BEING

Donald Trump is not perfect.

There.

I said it.

Neither am I.

Neither are you.

Neither was George Washington.

Neither was Abraham Lincoln.

Neither was John F. Kennedy.

Neither was Ronald Reagan.

Neither was Barack Obama.

Neither was Joe Biden.

We do not elect perfect human beings because perfect human beings do not exist.

Presidents have personalities.

Presidents have egos.

Presidents make mistakes.

Presidents say things they later wish they had worded differently.

Presidents become angry.

Presidents misjudge situations.

Presidents trust the wrong people.

Presidents make decisions that millions of Americans disagree with.

That is the reality of leadership.

Can you imagine having nearly every word you speak recorded?

Can you imagine millions of people waiting for you to make a mistake?

Can you imagine people examining the movement of your hands?

Your facial expressions?

The way you walk?

The way you drink water?

The way you pronounce a word?

Can you imagine comedians, politicians, commentators, influencers, and strangers spending every day searching for a new way to ridicule you?

Would you survive that scrutiny?

Would I?

I doubt it.

Some people would not survive one week of having their private and public lives examined with the intensity placed upon a President of the United States.

Yet we sit comfortably in our homes and judge every moment.

SUPPORT DOES NOT MEAN BLIND OBEDIENCE

When I say support our President, I am not saying surrender your mind.

I am not saying agree with every decision.

I am not saying stop asking questions.

I am not saying ignore facts.

I am not saying abandon your values.

I am saying something much simpler.

Stop confusing hatred with patriotism.

You can disagree respectfully.

You can oppose a policy without attacking a person's humanity.

You can vote against someone without wishing them misery.

You can question a decision without mocking someone's appearance.

You can write a thoughtful argument without calling another human being vile names.

You can be a Democrat and pray for a Republican President.

You can be a Republican and pray for a Democratic President.

You can hope the President succeeds even if you did not vote for him.

Why?

Because if America succeeds, Americans benefit.

This strange idea that we should hope a President fails because we dislike him makes absolutely no sense to me.

Imagine getting on an airplane and saying, "I hate the pilot. I hope he crashes so I can prove I was right about him."

You're on the plane!

America is the plane.

We are all passengers.

You may not like the pilot.

You may question the route.

You may disagree with the altitude.

You may hate the announcements.

But hoping for disaster simply because you dislike the person in the cockpit is madness.

PRESIDENT TRUMP IS ALSO A HUMAN BEING

I wish people would remember this.

Donald Trump is a human being.

You may love him.

You may dislike him.

You may support him.

You may oppose him.

But he is human.

Do you believe he does not feel anything?

Do you believe criticism never reaches him?

Do you believe his family never hears the attacks?

Do you believe his grandchildren exist in some magical bubble where cruel words cannot enter?

Imagine waking every morning knowing that millions of people despise you.

Imagine people publicly fantasizing about your failure.

Imagine your name being used as an insult.

Imagine strangers making assumptions about your marriage, your children, your motives, your faith, your intelligence, and your mental state.

And then imagine being expected to walk into a room and lead.

Would encouragement help?

Would respect help?

Would knowing that Americans were praying for you help?

Would knowing that people wanted you to succeed help?

Of course it would.

Human beings respond to encouragement.

We respond to trust.

We respond to support.

We respond to respect.

Why do we believe a President is somehow different?

WHAT IF WE ENCOURAGED OUR PRESIDENT?

Here is a radical thought.

What if we encouraged Donald Trump?

What if we said, "Mr. President, we are praying for you."

What if we said, "Mr. President, make wise decisions."

What if we said, "Mr. President, protect our country."

What if we said, "Mr. President, seek good counsel."

What if we said, "Mr. President, remember every American, including those who did not vote for you."

What if we said, "Mr. President, we want America to succeed."

What if we offered constructive criticism instead of personal destruction?

What if political opponents stopped treating every disagreement as evidence of evil?

What if supporters were willing to admit mistakes without abandoning the person?

What if we behaved like adults?

Wouldn't that be something?

Encouragement does not weaken accountability.

Respect does not eliminate disagreement.

Kindness does not require political surrender.

You can hold someone accountable and still treat them like a human being.

STOP DIGGING THROUGH DECADES OF DIRT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO HATE SOMEONE

One of the strangest habits in modern culture is the relentless search for reasons to despise people.

Someone becomes prominent and armies of people begin digging.

What did they say thirty years ago?

Who did they know?

What photograph exists?

What rumor was published?

What allegation was made?

What joke did they tell?

What business deal failed?

What did an anonymous person claim?

Now, legitimate evidence and credible reporting should be examined seriously. Public officials deserve scrutiny. Presidents deserve scrutiny.

But scrutiny and obsession are not the same thing.

An allegation is not automatically proof.

A headline is not automatically the entire story.

A viral post is not automatically accurate.

A repeated claim does not become true simply because millions of people repeat it.

And an old controversy should not be stripped of context simply because someone wants a new weapon for today's political battle.

If you are actively searching every day for a reason to hate another human being, eventually you will find something.

You could do that to me.

I could do that to you.

Take every mistake you have ever made.

Every foolish sentence.

Every bad decision.

Every failed relationship.

Every moment of anger.

Every person who dislikes you.

Every rumor.

Every accusation.

Every photograph.

Every email.

Every text.

Now hand all of it to people who already hate you.

Do you think they could build an ugly picture?

Of course they could.

Would that picture represent the entirety of your life?

No.

Then why are we so comfortable doing it to others?

YOU HAVE NEVER MET HIM

This may be the most important point in this entire article.

You have never met Donald Trump.

Most of you haven't.

Yet some of you hate him.

Think about the power of that word.

Hate.

You hate a person you have never met.

You hate a person whose hand you have never shaken.

You hate a person whose eyes you have never looked into.

You hate a person with whom you have never shared a private conversation.

How did that happen?

Who introduced you to this hatred?

Where did it begin?

What story did you hear?

What program did you watch?

What commentator shaped your first impression?

What politician reinforced it?

What social media feed fed it?

And how many years have you been carrying it?

Maybe it is time to put it down.

Not because you suddenly have to vote for Donald Trump.

Not because you have to wear a red hat.

Not because you have to become a Republican.

Put it down for you.

Hatred is heavy.

Anger is exhausting.

Bitterness consumes energy.

You have a life to live.

HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States.

He is our President.

Yes, our President.

Not simply the President of Republicans.

Not simply the President of conservatives.

Not simply the President of people who voted for him.

The President of the United States.

You do not have to like that fact.

But hatred will not change it.

He holds an office that deserves recognition and respect, even when the person occupying that office is politically opposed by millions.

I have disagreed with presidents.

You have disagreed with presidents.

That is our right.

But I believe we have lost something important when we can no longer separate respect for our country and its institutions from our personal feelings about one individual.

We can debate.

We can protest peacefully.

We can vote.

We can organize.

We can write.

We can speak.

We can disagree.

But must we hate?

Must we humiliate?

Must we destroy?

Must every sentence be dripping with contempt?

Must every family gathering become an argument?

Must every friendship be tested by politics?

Must every social media feed become a battlefield?

Enough.

CONCLUSION: SUPPORT HIM, PRAY FOR HIM, ENCOURAGE HIM, AND LET GO OF THE HATE

I know some people will read this article and immediately become angry.

They will not finish it.

They will see the name Donald Trump and their emotional reaction will begin before they consider a single word I have written.

And perhaps that proves my point.

If the name of one human being has the power to instantly change your mood, raise your blood pressure, trigger your anger, and cause you to lash out at strangers, perhaps the problem deserves examination.

I am asking you to examine it.

Not Donald Trump.

You.

Why do you hate him?

Not why do you disagree with him.

Why do you hate him?

Those are different questions.

If you disagree with his immigration policy, explain why.

If you disagree with his economic decisions, explain why.

If you disagree with his foreign policy, explain why.

If you disagree with his language, explain why.

Make your argument.

Present your facts.

Participate in democracy.

But when your argument becomes, "He's fat," what have you accomplished?

When your argument becomes a joke about his hair, what policy have you debated?

When your argument attacks his family, what problem have you solved?

When you call everyone who voted for him stupid, what American have you persuaded?

You haven't.

You have simply added more ugliness to an already angry world.

Donald Trump is not a perfect man.

He does not need me to pretend he is.

I am not asking anyone to worship him.

I am not asking anyone to blindly follow him.

I am not asking anyone to ignore legitimate questions or credible facts.

I am asking Americans to rediscover some decency.

Support our President when you believe he is right.

Question him respectfully when you believe he is wrong.

Pray that he receives wisdom.

Hope that he makes good decisions.

Encourage him to remember the enormous responsibility of his office.

Trust but verify.

Believe in America.

Forgive human imperfection.

And for goodness' sake, stop feeding yourself a daily diet of hatred.

Turn off the program that makes you furious every night.

Stop following the account that exists only to keep you angry.

Stop sharing stories you have not verified.

Stop repeating rumors because they support what you already believe.

Stop allowing politicians to convince you that your neighbor is your enemy.

Stop allowing social media to control your emotions.

Stop giving Donald Trump free rent inside your mind twenty-four hours a day.

You don't have to love his personality.

You don't have to like his style.

You don't have to agree with every word he says.

But perhaps you could remember that he is a human being.

Perhaps you could remember that he is carrying the responsibilities of the presidency.

Perhaps you could hope he succeeds for the sake of the country.

Perhaps you could encourage rather than constantly condemn.

Perhaps you could pray rather than hate.

Perhaps you could listen rather than immediately attack.

Perhaps you could consider the possibility that the picture you have been given is incomplete.

And perhaps, just perhaps, you could return to that simple lesson many of us were taught as children.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

That lesson does not disappear because the person is Donald Trump.

That lesson does not disappear because you are a Democrat.

It does not disappear because you are angry.

It does not disappear because a television commentator agrees with you.

It does not disappear because your friends laugh at the insult.

It does not disappear because your cruel comment receives ten thousand likes.

Character still matters.

Kindness still matters.

Fairness still matters.

Truth still matters.

Human decency still matters.

Donald Trump is the President of the United States.

We elected him.

He is our Commander in Chief.

He is attempting to lead according to what he believes is best for America.

You may disagree with how he does it.

That is your right.

But I challenge you to do something much harder than hating him.

Give the man a fair chance.

Support what is good.

Question what concerns you.

Examine facts for yourself.

Listen to complete statements.

Consider multiple sources.

Stop allowing other people to manufacture every opinion you hold.

And remember that behind the name, behind the office, behind the podium, behind the headlines, behind the television screen, is a human being.

A human being who, like you and me, is imperfect.

A human being who can make mistakes.

A human being who can be criticized.

A human being who can be challenged.

But still a human being.

Enough with the hate.

Enough with the ridicule.

Enough with the personal destruction.

Enough with the obsession.

America has real problems to solve.

We have families to strengthen.

Children to teach.

Communities to rebuild.

Dreams to pursue.

Neighbors to help.

A future to create.

We do not have to agree on Donald Trump.

But we had better learn how to live with one another.

Support him. Trust him when trust is earned. Question him when questions are necessary. Encourage him. Pray for him. Forgive his imperfections. Hope for his success. Because hoping for the President of the United States to succeed is not surrendering your political beliefs. It is hoping that America succeeds.

And if you still cannot find one kind thing to say about a human being you have never met, perhaps the most mature thing you can do is close the app, turn off the television, stay in your own lane, and say nothing at all.

Bill Conley

America's Favorite Life Coach

MOLLY THE MOUSE BELIEVES IN HERSELF - A Children's Story

 

MOLLY THE MOUSE BELIEVES IN HERSELF

VALUE WE ARE LEARNING:

Self-confidence means believing in yourself and recognizing that you have unique gifts and talents. Confident people understand that they do not need to be the biggest, strongest, fastest, or smartest person in the room to have value. Every person is special and important in their own way. Self-confidence grows when we focus on our strengths and continue learning and improving. In this story, Molly discovers that believing in herself allows her to accomplish things she never thought possible.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Every person has unique gifts, talents, and abilities that make them special. Self-confidence begins when we stop comparing ourselves to others and start appreciating who we are. Being different is not a weakness but a strength. Confidence grows when we focus on what we can do instead of what we cannot do. Everyone has challenges, but those challenges do not define their worth. The world needs your talents, your ideas, and your unique perspective. Believing in yourself allows you to accomplish amazing things. You are valuable exactly as you are.

Molly the Mouse lived in a tiny cottage tucked beneath the roots of a giant maple tree.

She was cheerful, kind, and hardworking.

But Molly often felt small.

Not just physically small.

Small in importance.

Whenever she looked around Maple Meadow, she saw animals who seemed much more impressive than she was.

Daisy the Dog was strong and brave.

Callie the Cat was smart and curious.

Benny the Bunny was adventurous.

Tommy the Turtle was determined.

Freddy the Frog was athletic.

Henry the Hedgehog was wise.

Compared to them, Molly sometimes felt ordinary.

One morning she sat beside the pond watching her friends.

Daisy easily carried a large basket.

Benny leaped across a stream.

Freddy jumped from rock to rock.

Molly sighed.

"I wish I were more like them."

Just then, Grandma Mouse appeared beside her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Molly explained how she felt.

Grandma listened carefully.

Then she smiled.

"Molly, do you know what makes a diamond valuable?"

Molly shook her head.

"No."

"Because it is unique."

Molly thought about that.

Grandma continued.

"There is only one diamond exactly like another."

"What does that have to do with me?"

Grandma gently touched Molly's shoulder.

"There is only one Molly."

The words stayed with Molly all day.

A few days later, exciting news spread throughout Maple Meadow.

The annual Meadow Fair would soon begin.

One event was especially popular.

The Great Meadow Treasure Hunt.

Contestants would search for hidden clues scattered throughout the valley.

The winner would receive a beautiful blue ribbon.

Everyone planned to participate.

Molly wanted to join too.

But doubt quickly filled her mind.

"I'll never win."

"Why not?" asked Daisy.

"I'm too small."

Daisy laughed.

"What does size have to do with finding clues?"

Molly wasn't sure.

Still, she felt uncertain.

On the morning of the treasure hunt, dozens of animals gathered near the starting line.

The mayor explained the rules.

The first clue would be revealed at the sound of a whistle.

Contestants would then solve puzzles, leading to additional clues.

Finally, one clue would reveal the hidden treasure.

The whistle blew.

The hunt began.

Animals rushed in every direction.

Daisy sprinted toward the woods.

Freddy bounded across the meadow.

Benny raced down a trail.

Molly followed quietly behind.

The first clue led participants to an old stone bridge.

Many contestants searched everywhere.

Molly noticed something others missed.

A tiny piece of paper wedged between two stones.

Her small size allowed her to squeeze into places larger animals could not reach.

She carefully retrieved the clue.

"Interesting," she said.

The next clue led to a hollow log.

Again, larger contestants struggled to see inside.

Molly easily climbed in and found another clue.

Soon she realized something important.

Her small size was actually helping her.

As the hunt continued, Molly discovered other strengths too.

She paid attention to details.

She noticed patterns.

She listened carefully.

She solved puzzles others overlooked.

One clue required participants to identify a faint sound hidden among several noises.

Molly's excellent hearing helped her succeed.

Another clue required careful observation.

Her attention to detail helped again.

By afternoon, only a handful of contestants remained.

To Molly's surprise, she was one of them.

The final clue led to a large oak tree near the edge of the meadow.

Contestants searched frantically.

Branches.

Roots.

Hollows.

Leaves.

No one could find the treasure.

Then Molly noticed something unusual.

A small opening beneath one root.

It was far too small for larger animals.

But not for a mouse.

Carefully, Molly squeezed inside.

A moment later, she emerged carrying a small treasure chest.

The crowd erupted into cheers.

Molly had found it.

The mayor smiled.

"Congratulations!"

Molly could hardly believe it.

She had won.

Not because she was bigger.

Not because she was stronger.

Not because she was faster.

She had won because she used her own unique gifts.

Later that evening, Molly sat beside Grandma Mouse watching the sunset.

"You were right."

"About what?" Grandma asked.

"There is only one Molly."

Grandma smiled.

"And that's a wonderful thing."

Molly looked across the meadow.

For the first time, she no longer wished she were someone else.

Daisy was wonderful.

Callie was wonderful.

Benny was wonderful.

Tommy was wonderful.

Freddy was wonderful.

Henry was wonderful.

And Molly was wonderful too.

Not because she was better than anyone else.

But because she was uniquely herself.

From that day forward, whenever Molly felt doubtful, she remembered the treasure hunt.

She remembered the clues.

She remembered the tiny spaces only she could enter.

Most importantly, she remembered that everyone has special gifts.

And when you believe in yourself, those gifts have a chance to shine.

MORAL OF THE STORY POEM:

You do not have to be the tallest one,

Or shine brighter than the sun.

Your special gifts help make you, you,

And there is no one else quite like you too.

Believe in yourself and what you can do,

For amazing talents live inside of you.

Stand tall, be proud, and always see,

The wonderful person you're meant to be.

QUESTIONS FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN:

1. Why did Molly sometimes feel unimportant?
2. What lesson did Grandma Mouse teach Molly?
3. How did Molly's unique abilities help her during the treasure hunt?
4. What are some special talents or strengths that you have?
5. Why is it important not to compare yourself to other people?

 

FREDDY THE FROG EMBRACES CHANGE - A Children's Story

 

FREDDY THE FROG EMBRACES CHANGE

VALUE WE ARE LEARNING:

Adaptability means being willing to adjust when life changes. Change can sometimes feel uncomfortable, scary, or unexpected, but it often brings new opportunities, friendships, and experiences. People who are adaptable learn how to stay positive and flexible when things do not go exactly as planned. Adaptability helps us grow, learn, and become stronger. In this story, Freddy discovers that some of life's greatest adventures begin when we embrace change instead of fearing it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Change is a natural part of life and often leads to wonderful new opportunities. While change can sometimes feel uncomfortable or scary, it helps us grow and learn. Adaptable people understand that they cannot control everything, but they can control how they respond. A positive attitude makes change easier to accept and enjoy. New experiences often introduce us to new friends, skills, and adventures. Every ending can become the beginning of something exciting. When we embrace change with courage and optimism, we discover possibilities we never imagined. A flexible heart is ready for life's greatest adventures.

Freddy the Frog loved his home.

He lived beside Lily Pad Pond, a peaceful little pond surrounded by tall grass, colorful flowers, and shady trees.

Every morning, Freddy woke to the sound of singing birds.

Every afternoon, he leaped from lily pad to lily pad.

Every evening, he watched the sunset reflect across the water.

Life was comfortable.

Life was familiar.

Life was exactly the way Freddy liked it.

And that was the problem.

Freddy did not like change.

Not even a little.

If someone moved a rock near the pond, Freddy noticed.

If a new flower bloomed beside the water, Freddy noticed.

If his favorite lily pad drifted to a different spot, Freddy noticed.

And every time something changed, Freddy worried.

One spring morning, Freddy noticed a large wooden sign near the pond.

He hopped closer to read it.

"Pond Improvement Project Coming Soon."

Freddy blinked.

"Pond improvement?"

He hurried to find his friends.

Soon, Daisy the Dog, Benny the Bunny, Callie the Cat, Tommy the Turtle, Henry the Hedgehog, and Molly the Mouse gathered around the sign.

"What does it mean?" Freddy asked nervously.

Tommy studied the notice.

"It says the pond will be cleaned and expanded."

Freddy gasped.

"Expanded?"

Daisy smiled.

"That sounds exciting."

"It sounds terrible," Freddy replied.

The others laughed.

But Freddy was serious.

For the next several days, he worried constantly.

"What if they remove my favorite lily pad?"

"What if everything looks different?"

"What if I don't like it?"

No matter how much his friends reassured him, Freddy remained concerned.

Then construction began.

Workers carefully cleaned the pond.

They removed fallen branches.

They cleared overgrown weeds.

They deepened parts of the water.

They added new plants and flowers.

Every day, Freddy found something new to worry about.

One afternoon, he sat on a log staring at the pond.

"It doesn't look the same."

Tommy sat beside him.

"No."

"I don't like it."

Tommy smiled gently.

"Have you given it a chance?"

Freddy crossed his arms.

"No."

Tommy chuckled.

"Maybe you should."

Freddy wasn't convinced.

The following week the project was completed.

Everyone gathered for the grand reopening.

The pond looked beautiful.

The water sparkled.

New lily pads floated across the surface.

Colorful flowers lined the shore.

A small waterfall trickled into the pond.

Butterflies fluttered everywhere.

The other animals were amazed.

Freddy wasn't.

At least not at first.

He cautiously hopped onto one of the new lily pads.

Then another.

Then another.

As he explored, he discovered something surprising.

The pond wasn't worse.

It was different.

And different wasn't necessarily bad.

The new waterfall created a pleasant sound.

The larger pond offered more places to explore.

The new flowers attracted beautiful butterflies.

The additional lily pads created exciting new paths across the water.

By lunchtime, Freddy found himself smiling.

By afternoon, he was having fun.

By evening, he was laughing.

The next morning, he invited his friends to explore the new pond.

"This waterfall is amazing," Freddy said.

Daisy grinned.

"We told you."

"And look at these flowers."

Callie laughed.

"We noticed."

"And there are so many new places to explore."

Tommy smiled knowingly.

Freddy laughed.

"Okay, okay. You were right."

A few weeks later, another change arrived.

A family of ducks moved into the pond.

At first, Freddy worried again.

"What if they take over?"

"What if they make too much noise?"

"What if I don't like them?"

But this time, something was different.

Freddy remembered the pond project.

Instead of assuming the change would be bad, he decided to give it a chance.

The ducks turned out to be wonderful neighbors.

They were friendly.

They were funny.

They shared interesting stories about places they had visited.

Soon, Freddy considered them friends.

As summer continued, Freddy began noticing something.

Many of the best things that happened that year started with a change.

The improved pond.

The new waterfall.

The duck family.

The beautiful flowers.

The expanded swimming areas.

The new adventures.

None of those things would have happened without change.

One evening, Freddy sat beside the waterfall watching the sunset.

Grandpa Frog hopped over and joined him.

"You seem happy."

"I am."

"What changed?"

Freddy laughed.

"Everything."

Grandpa smiled.

"And?"

Freddy looked across the pond.

"I learned something important."

"What?"

Freddy smiled.

"Sometimes change brings wonderful things."

Grandpa nodded.

"That's a valuable lesson."

Freddy watched the water sparkle.

For years, he had spent energy fearing change.

Now he realized something.

Change was simply part of life.

Sometimes it brought challenges.

Sometimes it brought surprises.

But often it brought opportunities.

And when you face change with an open heart, amazing things can happen.

From that day forward, whenever something new appeared in Freddy's life, he tried to remember the pond.

He remembered the waterfall.

He remembered the ducks.

Most importantly, he remembered that every ending can become the beginning of a wonderful new adventure.

MORAL OF THE STORY POEM:

Change may seem a little scary,

And sometimes make us cautious or wary.

But new adventures often start,

When we open up our heart.

New friends and opportunities grow,

When we are willing to go with the flow.

Be flexible, brave, and willing to see,

How wonderful change can truly be.

QUESTIONS FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN:

1. Why did Freddy worry when the pond began to change?
2. What new things did Freddy discover after the project was finished?
3. How did the duck family help Freddy learn about change?
4. Can you think of a change in your life that turned out better than you expected?
5. Why is it important to be flexible when things change?

 

 

THE TEN VALUES WE LEARNED FROM MY BOOK, PETS WE LOVE - A CHILDREN'S STORY

 

THE TEN VALUES WE LEARNED FROM MY BOOK, PETS WE LOVE

Throughout this book, our animal friends taught us ten important lessons:

🐶 Daisy taught us Loyalty

🐱 Callie taught us Curiosity and Learning

🐰 Benny taught us Courage

🐹 Ginny taught us Sharing

🐹 Holly taught us Responsibility

🐠 Goldie taught us Gratitude

🐢 Tommy taught us Perseverance

🦔 Henry taught us Respect

🐭 Molly taught us Self-Confidence

🐸 Freddy taught us Adaptability

These ten values can help children build strong character, strong friendships, and strong futures.

Never forget:

Be kind.

Be brave.

Be responsible.

Be grateful.

Believe in yourself.

And always keep learning.