The MOST powerful word in the English language is the word NO

The MOST powerful word in the English language is the word “NO”.

I am spending Thanksgiving with my daughter, her husband and their 20 month old baby girl.  When asking the little girl if she would like this or that, on numerous occasions I witness her turn her head side to side indicating she does not. On other occasions when asked, not only does she turn her head side to side, she also says no.  Still on other occasions, she turns her head away, for example, when I was attempted to give her a bite of fruit salad, she simply turned her head to the away so as to say, no, I don’t want that.

My granddaughter has no problem saying no.

She is not thinking of the consequence of her saying no, or I don’t want that or I don’t like that.  She is not thinking of what other people think of her when she says no.  She is not thinking of her future or her past; she is living in the moment. To her, no means no, no to what you are offering her, no to the question you are asking her, no to the opportunity you are presenting her, no means no, I don’t want it, don’t like it, don’t need it and quite honestly, I don’t care what you think.  I am thinking for myself and at this point in time and I chosen to say no.  Because she can’t talk, she doesn’t even have to give a reason or explanation as to why she is saying no, the word or head gesture is sufficient, NO.

As she grows, it may be more difficult to say no without explanation, without the fear of what other people may think or even what she may think of herself.  What if as she grows she cares deeply about what others think of her? What if as she grows from time to time she feels un-loved, not cared for, depressed or hurt and angry and turns to drugs or alcohol to deaden the pain of her frustration. What if at a young age she is shown pornography on a friend’s cell phone becomes intrigued by what she saw and becomes addicted to pornography.  What if her Father leaves her mother and the family before she turns 10 and in her teen years she is looking for any boy to give her reassurance that she is worthy of love and begins a sexually active life in her teen years.  What if while out one night with her friends they offer her drugs, drugs that could kill her if she overdosed and she is too weak or afraid to say no out of fear of what her friends might think of her.

Are you addicted to prescription drugs, drugs, alcohol, pornography, people pleasing, tobacco, or a self-destructive behavior that is not desirous to you? Do you find yourself repeating behaviors that you know do not benefit you and that you would like to stop? Are you aware of the triggers that draw you into that behavior? How do you feel about yourself after you have done that behavior? What do you tell yourself?  Do you praise yourself for a job well done or do you beat yourself up?

Would you like to STOP?

If the answer is yes, the solution may be as simple as telling yourself “No, not now, never or simply NO!”. At the moment the trigger speaks to you directly in your head to participate in a behavior you know is not beneficial and you know you would like to stop, simply tell yourself, no, not now, never.

When you want to take that next drink.

When you want to pop that next pill or ingest that next drug.

When you want to view porn and masturbate.

When you want to act out sexually.

When you want………, you can fill in the blank.

When the moment is upon you, just say NO or no, not now, never!

When some boy/man is enticing you to go further than you like sexually, just say NO and leave.

When you know consuming more alcohol will impair your judgment in any way or your ability to drive, just say no.

When there is a part of you that speaks to you and in any way that is not truthful, honest, loving, kind, thoughtful and is destructive in any way, just say no.

No, not now, never.  Repeat as many times as you need,  no not now, never. Repeat with me now; no, not now, never. No, not now, never, no not now, never.

It matters not what other people think of you, your value, self- worth and who you are is not on the line.  You are unique, one of a kind, amazing and there is no one else exactly like you on this planet and in fact there has never been anyone that ever lived that is exactly like you, no one, ever.

What you think of yourself is important and the good news is that you get to create the image of who you are by the way you think, again, not by what other people think of you.

You get to choose your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, emotions, actions, words, the outcome of your life is in your hands and no-one else’s.

As a young child, saying no, was easy, natural and we didn’t care at all what others thought of our saying no.  We liked what we liked, we did what we did, we behaved the way we wanted, we chose. As we grew, our family, community, schools, friends, help shape us into who we have become today.

Overtime and as we grow into adulthood,  saying the word NO may actually become difficult because we fear the consequence, we fear what others think, we fear the life we are living and we fear our future.

Sometimes it is easier to say yes in the moment and suffer the consequence afterwards.  But what is the cost of the consequence? What is the cost of saying yes in the moment versus saying no?

Who are YOU and who do YOU want to become?

Isn’t it time you do what you know is right for YOU without fear? Fear of what others think, fear out of what you think of yourself?

Fear is crippling you from becoming the person you want to become.  So, sometimes it is easier to say yes and suffer the consequence, but is it wiser, is that what you want?

Now is the time that you start say NO to the destructive, fear based behaviors that are holding you back from becoming the person you were meant to be.

When the trigger that drives you to behaviors you know are self-destructive and does not promote the person you want to become, simply say to yourself, No, not now, never.  No, not now, never.  Repeat as many times as you have to. 

Here is a little known secret that I would like to share with you.  Did you know that those self-destructive thoughts are fleeting and come and go very quickly.  If you can just get over that triggered thought in the moment, the self-destructive behavior may not follow.

It may not be as easy as it sounds initially, but I assure you, it gets easier over time and in time, the self-destructive behavior which is holding you back, causing you pain, frustration, anger, unhappiness will turn around.  In time you will become more self-confident, assured, strong, courageous and loving.  

Who do you prefer to be?

Saying, no, not now, never is an effective tool for overcoming the fleeting self-destructive triggers that plague you thoughts, words and behaviors.  When you overcome these moments of indiscretion, you are on your path to the life you know you want and deserve.