4 words that may change your life forever

4 words that may change your life forever

We are the sum (total) of our thoughts, words and deeds (actions or behaviors). What we think, do and say affects who we are and who we are to become.

  

Negative thoughts produces negative results, same holds true for our words and deeds.  Positive thoughts may lead to positive outcomes, same for words and deeds.  

If the outcome of our life is not what we want, then it makes sense that something in our thoughts, words and deeds must change to affect that outcome.  In other words, if you desire change in your life, you are required to change how you think, act and speak. 

In our life we become addicted to thinking a certain way, acting a certain way and even speaking a certain way.  I use the term addicted because it is true.  We become addicted (form habits) in our thoughts, words and deeds.  Some of these addictions are producing results in our life which are not productive.  Some are producing results that negatively impact who we have become and our relationships with others.  Some are producing emotions that create insecurity, unhappiness, loneliness, sadness, depression, anger, frustration, pain, suffering and many other unhealthy or unwanted feelings.

What ails you?  

What thoughts cause you the most pain, fear or anxiety?  

What actions or behaviors negatively impact your life and stop you from living the life you truly want? What words do you use that cause conflict in your relationship with other people?

Whatever your situation, if you want to change, truly want to change, the following four words may help impact your life positively and help you change your life forever.

NO, NOT NOW, NEVER

Throughout the day, thoughts come to our mind which triggers actions or behaviors that impact us negatively.  Some of the time we give into triggered thoughts and act in a manner we later regret or which cause us harm.  Some of the thoughts we tell ourselves also negatively impact our self-worth and self-esteem and breed fear and insecurity within us.

What we tell ourselves is important!

What we think about ourselves, others and our life is important!

The words we choose to speak are important!

How we behave and interact with others is important!

When you want to act out and misbehave in a manner you do not want, simply tell yourself, no, not now, never.

That action initially came from a thought. Something triggered that thought.  Do you know what that trigger is?

It is important to identify the trigger that creates the thought that produces the action that you do not want.

When the trigger is identified, it is easier to change the thought and therefore the unwanted behavior.

Let me give you an example. 

Joe recognizes he has a problem with alcohol or at least thinks he may have a problem with alcohol.  Joe recognizes that when watches football that he likes to consume a few beers and occasionally a few turns into a few to many and sometimes Joe is not able to control himself and the amount of alcohol he consumes.  The trigger in this case is a football game, the behavior is drinking alcohol.  Joe has conditioned himself to believe that drinking beer while watching football is OK.  However, for Joe, this on occasion has caused him a few too many problems which he later regretted.  Next time Joe sat down in front of a TV to watch football and the urge to drink beer comes upon Joe, he could simply say, no, not now, never.  If the urge comes back, again he could say, no, not now, never and repeat as often as he needed.

The good thing about thoughts, triggers, urges are that they are momentary and fleeting and can be controlled by becoming consciously aware of them and correcting them or redirecting them to a thought that has the positive outcome you prefer.  (read that again)

Using the words, no, not now, never redirects your thinking and causes you to think a new thought as to the behavior or action you truly want or desire.

Let’s look at another example.

Ben has difficulty staying away from watching pornography and when he does watch porn he always masturbates.  This has gotten in his way of maintaining a healthy relationship with his wife.  Ben knows his addiction to pornography is unhealthy, but he does not know how to stop. One of Ben’s many triggers is seeing an attractive female, which for Ben seems to be everywhere.  His relationship with his wife is strained and difficult and one of Ben’s ways of overcoming the stress in his life is to masturbate to pornography.  A solution to Ben may be that when he finds the urge to plop himself in front of the computer, view pornography and masturbate is to say no, not now, never when the urge is upon him.  He can then remind himself as to why the behavior is unhealthy and unwanted.  If the urge continues, Ben should continue to say, no, not now, never and remove himself from the computer and the environment he finds himself in.

The words, no, not now, never can be used with any thought that comes to mind that causes you to behave in a manner which does not bring a positive outcome to your life. 

It will take practice. 

It might be helpful for you to purchase a notebook and on the outside of the notebook write the words, no, not now, never. Inside you can record the moments those triggers come into your head.  Identify the trigger, where were you, what were you doing, what time of day was it, what was going on in your life at that moment, what may have caused the trigger.  Write everything and anything that comes to mind that will help you identify the trigger.  This too will help you take your mind off the behavior you are trying to change.

When you find yourself overcoming a trigger, say to yourself, yes, right now, always. 

The process of changing your thoughts and behaviors happens over time and will take practice.  It took you some time to get into habit you find yourself in and it will take some time to get yourself out. 

These four words will help you shape your thoughts, help you redirect your thoughts and help you change your behavior.

Remember….

NO, NOT NOW, NEVER

Our thoughts are addictive, our behaviors become addictions and in order to change, you have to change the way you think.  This tool, these words will do just that.