4 words that
may change your life forever
We are the
sum (total) of our thoughts, words and deeds (actions or behaviors). What we think,
do and say affects who we are and who we are to become.
Negative thoughts produces negative results,
same holds true for our words and deeds. Positive thoughts may lead to positive outcomes,
same for words and deeds.
If the outcome
of our life is not what we want, then it makes sense that something in our
thoughts, words and deeds must change to affect that outcome. In other words, if you desire change in your
life, you are required to change how you think, act and speak.
In our life
we become addicted to thinking a certain way, acting a certain way and even
speaking a certain way. I use the term
addicted because it is true. We become
addicted (form habits) in our thoughts, words and deeds. Some of these addictions are producing results
in our life which are not productive.
Some are producing results that negatively impact who we have become and
our relationships with others. Some are
producing emotions that create insecurity, unhappiness, loneliness, sadness, depression,
anger, frustration, pain, suffering and many other unhealthy or unwanted
feelings.
What ails
you?
What thoughts cause you the most
pain, fear or anxiety?
What actions or
behaviors negatively impact your life and stop you from living the life you
truly want? What words do you use that cause conflict in your relationship with
other people?
Whatever
your situation, if you want to change, truly want to change, the following four
words may help impact your life positively and help you change your life
forever.
NO, NOT NOW, NEVER
Throughout
the day, thoughts come to our mind which triggers actions or behaviors that
impact us negatively. Some of the time
we give into triggered thoughts and act in a manner we later regret or which
cause us harm. Some of the thoughts we
tell ourselves also negatively impact our self-worth and self-esteem and breed fear
and insecurity within us.
What we tell
ourselves is important!
What we
think about ourselves, others and our life is important!
The words we
choose to speak are important!
How we behave
and interact with others is important!
When you
want to act out and misbehave in a manner you do not want, simply tell
yourself, no, not now, never.
That action
initially came from a thought. Something triggered that thought. Do you know what that trigger is?
It is
important to identify the trigger that creates the thought that produces the
action that you do not want.
When the
trigger is identified, it is easier to change the thought and therefore the
unwanted behavior.
Let me give
you an example.
Joe
recognizes he has a problem with alcohol or at least thinks he may have a
problem with alcohol. Joe recognizes
that when watches football that he likes to consume a few beers and occasionally
a few turns into a few to many and sometimes Joe is not able to control himself
and the amount of alcohol he consumes.
The trigger in this case is a football game, the behavior is drinking
alcohol. Joe has conditioned himself to
believe that drinking beer while watching football is OK. However, for Joe, this on occasion has caused
him a few too many problems which he later regretted. Next time Joe sat down in front of a TV to
watch football and the urge to drink beer comes upon Joe, he could simply say, no,
not now, never. If the urge comes back,
again he could say, no, not now, never and repeat as often as he needed.
The good
thing about thoughts, triggers, urges are that they are momentary and fleeting
and can be controlled by becoming consciously aware of them and correcting them
or redirecting them to a thought that has the positive outcome you prefer. (read that again)
Using the
words, no, not now, never redirects your thinking and causes you to think a new
thought as to the behavior or action you truly want or desire.
Let’s look
at another example.
Ben has
difficulty staying away from watching pornography and when he does watch porn
he always masturbates. This has gotten
in his way of maintaining a healthy relationship with his wife. Ben knows his addiction to pornography is unhealthy,
but he does not know how to stop. One of Ben’s many triggers is seeing an
attractive female, which for Ben seems to be everywhere. His relationship with his wife is strained
and difficult and one of Ben’s ways of overcoming the stress in his life is to
masturbate to pornography. A solution to
Ben may be that when he finds the urge to plop himself in front of the
computer, view pornography and masturbate is to say no, not now, never when the
urge is upon him. He can then remind
himself as to why the behavior is unhealthy and unwanted. If the urge continues, Ben should continue to
say, no, not now, never and remove himself from the computer and the
environment he finds himself in.
The words,
no, not now, never can be used with any thought that comes to mind that causes
you to behave in a manner which does not bring a positive outcome to your
life.
It will take
practice.
It might be helpful for you to
purchase a notebook and on the outside of the notebook write the words, no, not
now, never. Inside you can record the moments those triggers come into your
head. Identify the trigger, where were
you, what were you doing, what time of day was it, what was going on in your
life at that moment, what may have caused the trigger. Write everything and anything that comes to
mind that will help you identify the trigger.
This too will help you take your mind off the behavior you are trying to
change.
When you
find yourself overcoming a trigger, say to yourself, yes, right now,
always.
The process
of changing your thoughts and behaviors happens over time and will take
practice. It took you some time to get
into habit you find yourself in and it will take some time to get yourself
out.
These four
words will help you shape your thoughts, help you redirect your thoughts and
help you change your behavior.
Remember….
NO, NOT NOW, NEVER
Our thoughts
are addictive, our behaviors become addictions and in order to change, you have
to change the way you think. This tool,
these words will do just that.
