4 words that may change your life forever

4 words that may change your life forever

We are the sum (total) of our thoughts, words and deeds (actions or behaviors). What we think, do and say affects who we are and who we are to become.

  

Negative thoughts produces negative results, same holds true for our words and deeds.  Positive thoughts may lead to positive outcomes, same for words and deeds.  

If the outcome of our life is not what we want, then it makes sense that something in our thoughts, words and deeds must change to affect that outcome.  In other words, if you desire change in your life, you are required to change how you think, act and speak. 

In our life we become addicted to thinking a certain way, acting a certain way and even speaking a certain way.  I use the term addicted because it is true.  We become addicted (form habits) in our thoughts, words and deeds.  Some of these addictions are producing results in our life which are not productive.  Some are producing results that negatively impact who we have become and our relationships with others.  Some are producing emotions that create insecurity, unhappiness, loneliness, sadness, depression, anger, frustration, pain, suffering and many other unhealthy or unwanted feelings.

What ails you?  

What thoughts cause you the most pain, fear or anxiety?  

What actions or behaviors negatively impact your life and stop you from living the life you truly want? What words do you use that cause conflict in your relationship with other people?

Whatever your situation, if you want to change, truly want to change, the following four words may help impact your life positively and help you change your life forever.

NO, NOT NOW, NEVER

Throughout the day, thoughts come to our mind which triggers actions or behaviors that impact us negatively.  Some of the time we give into triggered thoughts and act in a manner we later regret or which cause us harm.  Some of the thoughts we tell ourselves also negatively impact our self-worth and self-esteem and breed fear and insecurity within us.

What we tell ourselves is important!

What we think about ourselves, others and our life is important!

The words we choose to speak are important!

How we behave and interact with others is important!

When you want to act out and misbehave in a manner you do not want, simply tell yourself, no, not now, never.

That action initially came from a thought. Something triggered that thought.  Do you know what that trigger is?

It is important to identify the trigger that creates the thought that produces the action that you do not want.

When the trigger is identified, it is easier to change the thought and therefore the unwanted behavior.

Let me give you an example. 

Joe recognizes he has a problem with alcohol or at least thinks he may have a problem with alcohol.  Joe recognizes that when watches football that he likes to consume a few beers and occasionally a few turns into a few to many and sometimes Joe is not able to control himself and the amount of alcohol he consumes.  The trigger in this case is a football game, the behavior is drinking alcohol.  Joe has conditioned himself to believe that drinking beer while watching football is OK.  However, for Joe, this on occasion has caused him a few too many problems which he later regretted.  Next time Joe sat down in front of a TV to watch football and the urge to drink beer comes upon Joe, he could simply say, no, not now, never.  If the urge comes back, again he could say, no, not now, never and repeat as often as he needed.

The good thing about thoughts, triggers, urges are that they are momentary and fleeting and can be controlled by becoming consciously aware of them and correcting them or redirecting them to a thought that has the positive outcome you prefer.  (read that again)

Using the words, no, not now, never redirects your thinking and causes you to think a new thought as to the behavior or action you truly want or desire.

Let’s look at another example.

Ben has difficulty staying away from watching pornography and when he does watch porn he always masturbates.  This has gotten in his way of maintaining a healthy relationship with his wife.  Ben knows his addiction to pornography is unhealthy, but he does not know how to stop. One of Ben’s many triggers is seeing an attractive female, which for Ben seems to be everywhere.  His relationship with his wife is strained and difficult and one of Ben’s ways of overcoming the stress in his life is to masturbate to pornography.  A solution to Ben may be that when he finds the urge to plop himself in front of the computer, view pornography and masturbate is to say no, not now, never when the urge is upon him.  He can then remind himself as to why the behavior is unhealthy and unwanted.  If the urge continues, Ben should continue to say, no, not now, never and remove himself from the computer and the environment he finds himself in.

The words, no, not now, never can be used with any thought that comes to mind that causes you to behave in a manner which does not bring a positive outcome to your life. 

It will take practice. 

It might be helpful for you to purchase a notebook and on the outside of the notebook write the words, no, not now, never. Inside you can record the moments those triggers come into your head.  Identify the trigger, where were you, what were you doing, what time of day was it, what was going on in your life at that moment, what may have caused the trigger.  Write everything and anything that comes to mind that will help you identify the trigger.  This too will help you take your mind off the behavior you are trying to change.

When you find yourself overcoming a trigger, say to yourself, yes, right now, always. 

The process of changing your thoughts and behaviors happens over time and will take practice.  It took you some time to get into habit you find yourself in and it will take some time to get yourself out. 

These four words will help you shape your thoughts, help you redirect your thoughts and help you change your behavior.

Remember….

NO, NOT NOW, NEVER

Our thoughts are addictive, our behaviors become addictions and in order to change, you have to change the way you think.  This tool, these words will do just that.

I am not good enough, I don't measure up, I don’t deserve it, and I am not worth it

I am not good enough, I don't measure up, I don’t deserve it, and I am not worth it.

 

How many times do we tell ourselves I am not good enough! Good enough for what? To be loved, accepted, recognized, appreciated, acknowledged, understood, approved, regarded, to go to heaven. 

 You’re not good enough, you don’t measure up. Do people really say these things or do they insinuate them by comparison.  

Insinuate – to introduce (e.g. suspicion) slyly. To introduce oneself by sly or ingenious means. To hint.  

Does a parent go around telling their children that they are worthless, unlovable, unworthy of existence? Yes they do, their words cut to the heart of a child like a torpedo hitting its target. Within the heart of a child, they are blown to pieces. This person who is supposed to love, respect, and support them is destroying them and they have no means of defending themselves from this verbal missile attack on their character. All too often these verbal attacks like torpedoes are designed to produce a reaction within the recipient or target. Our parents mean well when they say “when I was your age” or tell stories of their childhood which clearly demonstrate how much more difficult it was for them than it is for you now. It may be more subtle than that, they may not recognize or appreciate the effort you put into a project or event. They may give you a cursory compliment followed by the phrase “next time” all in an effort to create confidence that you can do better next time.  

These subtle forms of comparison often destroy a young child and lead them into believing they are 

Never good enough,  

They will never measure, 

They never deserve to be loved,  

They never can stop striving for perfection, 

They never can be appreciated for the effort they put into something,  

That they always could achieve more, 

Always do more, 

Always be more. 

No grade in school is ever enough, no amount of success in sports is ever enough, no amount of helping around the house is good enough, and no amount of dedication or devotion to the church is good enough.  

You get the idea, we are drummed into our fragile emotional state as a young child that our parents had it harder, they did it better with less means, they were smarter, less understood and appreciated, they are working hard all for our benefit, because their parents did not appreciate and recognize them, they are going to do the same to their children.  

What does that do for the child? 

The child grows up believing they are unworthy of love, affection, romance, success and countless other virtues because they have been taught at a tender age that they will never measure up to their parents or their parents expectations.  

Parents destroy a child’s self-worth, image, esteem for life by their constant picking, comparing, needling, their relentless attempt to get their child to conform, achieve more, be like them.  

Well we are not our parents, we will never be our parents, as adults we need to break out of their chains that bind us. 

We are not inferior, worthless, undeserving, unlovable, fragile, and insecure.  

We don't need to compromise who we are in order to receive the benefits of love, acceptance, romance, security. 

We are all deserving of love from one another.  

We are all deserving of God’s love for us. God loves each and every one of us. A child whose self-worth, esteem, acceptance, love has not been built up grows up with incredible insecurity. There is no foundation to fall back in times of fear, uncertainty and doubt. It is very important to instill in children at a young age that our God Lord loves them, that we love them, and that we accept them, the unique person that they are. We all have our differences from one another that do not make us any more or less likeable or lovable. We are a gift from God, Gods chosen people, loved by our father despite our imperfections and infirmities. We have great worth in his eyes. If we continue to believe in the name of our Lord Jesus, obey his commandments, and pray continuously, we will find the peace, happiness and joy.

 I desire to be like the wise man as told in the story of Matthew 7:24-29.

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

²⁸ When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, ²⁹ because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.”

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on a rock. The rain came down and the streams rose and the winds blew and beat against the house, yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Psalms 18:2 – I love you my Lord my strength. The Lord is my rock my fortress and my deliverer, my God is my rock, in which I take refuge. He is my shield and my horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord who is worthy of praise and I am saved from my enemies. Matthew 16:18 – Jesus says and I tell you that are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. Does a wise man build his house upon the rock, remember we are that house; we are a holy temple of the Lord. 1 Corinthians 3:16 – Don’t you know that you yourself are Gods holy temple and that Gods spirit lives within you.

We are the temple of the Lord, a wise man will build his house upon the rock, is Peter that rock? No! Is God that rock? Yes. We are to build our house upon the foundation of the Lord, not Peter. 

Remember we are called to love our neighbor as our self. We are called to live in peace, in harmony, to avoid contention, be slow to anger, be filled with compassion and sympathy, do what is good, forgive others, serve others without expectation, be joyful in everything, pray continuously, love the truth, honor and obey our parents, have faith, hope, charity, keep no records of wrongs, have patient endurance, love our neighbors as ourselves.  

Insecurity – not adequately protected or guarded, unsafe. Unstable. Not self-confident. 

Security – freedom from risk or danger, safety. Freedom from doubt, anxiety, fear; confidence.  

Confidence – reliance on trust. A trusting relationship. A feeling of self-assurance. In the 23^rd Psalm verse 4 – Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and your staff comfort me. Philippians 1:6 – Being confident of this, that he who begun a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 

I am confident and have full faith in my salvation. I trust the Lord will see me through any time of fear, uncertainty and doubt. I love the Lord with all of my heart and soul, in him I shall never hunger or thirst. I will not let Satan have a foothold, everything good comes from God, and everything evil comes from Satan. I will not dwell on the past, I will live for the Lord today, and I will serve his children today. Even though I walk through the valley of fear, uncertainty and doubt I will trust in the Lord to complete his good work in me until the day he comes again on a cloud from heaven. I love you my Lord, I thank you for this day and I sing praises to your name. Bless me as I live this day, protect me from all evil and spiritual harm. May your will be done in my life Heavenly Father, not mine and may you bless me with patience and endurance.

 

Amen.