A very close
friend of mine came to me a few days ago and indicated that she felt as though
her relationship with her boyfriend may be in trouble but wasn’t quite
sure. I proceeded to ask her a few
probing questions and this is what she shared with me.
Q: I asked
her if her boyfriend felt a need to be right or always get the last word during
their conversations.
First she
said what conversations? I haven’t had one of those with my partner for what
seems like forever. Then she indicated
to me that her boyfriend always feels a need to be right, no matter what the
subject and she also indicated that he wouldn’t let go of any conversation until
he had the last word.
Tell tail
sign number 1 your relationship may be in trouble: Your relationship is in trouble, if your boyfriend
has to one up you on every conversation or always be right.
Q: I then
asked her if her boyfriend snipped at her, become critical of her easily and
put her down at home or in front of others?
She couldn’t
say yes fast enough. She went on to say
that her boyfriend was always critical of her and she felt as though she
couldn’t do anything right in his eyes.
Tell tail
sign number 2 your relationship may be in trouble: Your relationship is in trouble if your boyfriend
is constantly being critical of you, snipping at you about many things and puts
you down at home and in front of others.
Q: I then
proceeded to ask her if her boyfriend seems to spend more time on his phone,
the Internet, watching TV or seemed more obsessed with himself, spending more
time away from her than with her.
She
indicated that he had grown distant, that he was spending more time away from
home playing golf and spending time with his friends. When he was home, he seemed to be preoccupied
with everything but her. She further
explained that even though he was at home, it seemed as though his thoughts
were elsewhere.
Tell tail
sign number 3. You know your
relationship is in trouble if your boyfriend is spending more and more time
away from the intimacy of your relationship.
Q: I asked
her if her boyfriend became angry or frustrated easily and did it seem like he
was ready to pick a fight for no apparent reason.
She told me
of a recent event where her boyfriend and her were driving in the car with the
music playing. When she went to change
the station, he lit into her and started yelling at her about how he hated the
music she listened to. He told her, her
choice of music was stupid and he was fed up and was no longer going to subject
his ears to this childish music.
Stunned, she didn’t know what to think and just sat there in silence the
remainder of the trip.
Tell tail
sign number 4. You know your
relationship is in trouble when your boyfriend randomly and for no apparent
reason wants to pick a fight with you, gets angry or upset at the littlest
things.
Q: I wanted
to know more about their communication style so I asked her what was like
between the two of them when they sat down to discuss a sensitive subject.
She said
rather emphatically, we don’t discuss sensitive subjects, they are off the
table, taboo, never talked about. She went on to explain that there were a
number of difficult topical subjects that when brought up led to a fight, so
after a period of time, these topics had become off limits, never to be
discussed. I expressed my concern and
remorse. While communication between
partners can be difficult, it is important to always keep the lines of
communication alive. She agreed and sunk
in her chair now knowing after a few short questions that her relationship was
indeed in trouble.
Tell tail
sign number 5. You know your
relationship is in trouble when you unable to communicate about any subject
freely, openly and without fear.
Q: I asked her if she felt there was any time
that her boyfriend may have lied to her, hid things from her or didn’t tell her
the whole truth about something.
She
indicated he had lied to her many times, that she was never quite sure where he
was at and when she confronted him, she never seemed to get the whole story or
the story changed as he was telling it. She
also said that he hid things that he had bought from her and when she
confronted him, he indicated he had that item for quite some time. She also
said that for no reason at all he seemed to lie about little things that didn’t
matter at all. Last week, she said, he
lied about his golf score, now why would he do that, who cares I thought. Latter in the day, his friend and his wife
were over for a few drinks and he bragged about how he had beaten my husband in
golf by 6 strokes and then announced his score.
I did a little math and figured that my husband had lied to me. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I was
curious why he would not be truthful to me about something as insignificant as
his golf score.
Tell tail
number 6: You know your relationship is in trouble when your boyfriend lies to
about little insignificant things, hides his purchases from you or is deceptive
of his whereabouts.
Q: My last
question to her involved his use of alcohol, prescription drugs, drugs in
general and pornography. I asked her if
her boyfriend was misusing any of the above.
She had to
think for a minute and said that he was drinking much more these days, getting
drunk on the weekends and getting loud and obnoxious when he did drank to
excess. She was certain he had viewed
pornography but wasn’t certain to what degree. I then asked her about her sex
life and she indicated that it had been a while since they had good sex. They did have sex, but she thought he was a
bit to selfish and wasn’t interested in satisfying her. She didn’t think he was using drugs, but
didn’t know for sure.
Tell tail
number 7: You know your relationship is in trouble when your boyfriend starts a
new pattern of alcohol, drug or pornography use.
There are a
number of different signs your relationship may be in trouble, these seven may
seem quite obvious, but some reason reviewing them may help you see clearly if
it is time for you do some serious thinking about your relationship.
To learn more about this subject, please free free to contact me at coachbillconley@gmail.com
Sound advice for life (Motivation coach and speaker, Entrepreneur, Life Coach, Author, Father)
Twitter: billconley7
Please go to billconley.net and take the free personal values assessment. It only takes a few minutes and at the end of the assessment you will be emailed a 15 page report that I am sure will be enlightening to you,.
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