Fatherhood, Teaching our children, Motherhood, Absentee Fathers/Godless Fathers, The Love of the Lord, Doubt, Our choice of words one to another

 

The following is an excerpt from my book titled

 "As I was walking God was talking and this is what he said". 

This was a single days message and covers a variety of subjects including.....

Fatherhood

Teaching our Children

Motherhood

Absentee Fathers/Godless Fathers

Being equally yoked in marriage

The Love of the Lord

Doubt

Our choice of words one to another 

Several years ago I spent a great deal of time walking and as I walked I carried a notebook and a pen. I received what I know to be Devine inspiration from God. What you are about to read is what God would like us all to hear. I believe God gave me these words to write down so that I might share them with the world. God our Father in Heaven wants us all to know he Loves us and he also wants us all to know that Love is much more than never having to say you are sorry.  

Please take time to reflect on the words given to me by God our Father in Heaven. God has instructed me to tell you that he would like to ask each of you to take the time to read these multiple times until they really soak into your conscience. He knows that by doing this, you will change your life forever. You will also change the lives of everyone around you. 

Enjoy what God our Father in Heaven has provided me as a gift to you and to all those you know.

God Bless one and all.

Daddy I Love You

 

 

Why are fathers so important? 

If they are out of sight they are out of mind!  

What is faith? 

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 

Fathers on earth are required to provide the role model our children need in order to be able to help our children identify with our Father in Heaven. We cannot see our Father in Heaven, however we can have faith and believe he exists, that he did create the world, that we are made in his likeness, that we did send his Son to be crucified on the cross and that if we accept Jesus as our savior, obey the word of God, we will live eternally in his presence and the presence of his son Jesus Christ.  

Wouldn’t it be nice to see God in the flesh, have him talk with us, guide us, counsel us, hold us, love us, direct us, take care of our needs, comfort us when we are sick or in pain, feed, clothe and provide us drink. Wouldn’t that be nice if the good Lord could come down to earth and be our Dad? Well he is on earth and he dwells in our earthly Fathers.

The Fifth Commandment Exodus 20:10 – reads Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  

Honor – esteem respect. Recognition or distinction. A person of superior status.  

Esteem – to regard with respect, prize. High regard.

Respect – to feel or show deferential regard for, esteem. To avoid violation or interference. To relate to, concern. Deferential regard, esteem. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation. 

Consideration – a careful deliberation. Something to be considered in making a decision or judgment. Mutual regard for others.  

Appreciation – to recognize the value or quality of, to value highly, to be aware of, realize. To feel gratitude for, to increase in value or price.  

Regard – to look at closely, watch. To look upon, consider. Look, gaze. Careful attention, heed. Respect, affection or esteem.  

Why should we show honor to our parents on earth? If we cannot, are not willing to, ignore, tune out or don’t listen to, neglect, if we lack respect, esteem, regard, appreciation for our earthly parents that we see with our eyes and hear with our ears, and in who we depend on to care for us especially when we are little. If we don’t honor our earthly parents, we most certainly will not honor our heavenly parent. 

Hebrews 13:17 – Obey your leaders and submit to authority. Ephesians 6:1-3 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.  

Children must be willing to submit to authority.  

Submit – to surrender to the authority, discretion or will of another. To commit to the decision, consideration, or judgment of another. To offer as a suggestion or opinion. To acquiesce.  

Whenever children lack respect, honor, esteem, appreciation, love for their earthly parents, they will most assuredly lack these same qualities for their Heavenly Father. Children mirror their relationship with their Heavenly Father through their actions with those in authority over them such as their earthly Father or teachers. If they are not willing to submit themselves to their earthly Fathers; listen, obey and honor them, how are they going to learn to submit themselves to their Heavenly Father? 

Fathers teach your children well 

Teach them to love and serve the Lord and to respect, honor, revere our Lord in heaven. If you desire your children to have respect and honor for you, teach them first to show respect and honor for the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.  

Exasperate – to make angry or frustrated, irritated. 

When children lack respect or honor or esteem it is a reflection of the lack of teaching these traits to the children by the father. When children reach the age of 8 and are baptized and receive the gift if the Holy Spirit they are then held accountable for their sins. If they sin and continue to sin, their eyes and ears will be closed to the voice of the Lord, they will not be able to hear the counsel of the Holy Spirit and they will begin and remain in darkness, all alone, cut off from the love of the Lord. They are then left to their own decision making capability which leads to pain, misery and suffering. 

Is that what you want for your offspring?  

A life filled with pain, misery and suffering, confusion, isolation, abandonment. Do you want for them to live on the Island of Isolation, separated from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Do you want them to be led by the evil influences of the world and Satan? Do you wish upon them to live a life filled with fear, uncertainty and doubt being tossed to and fro by the lies of men? Do you wish upon them to never feel worthy of love, respect, honor or appreciation? Do you want them to feel a low self-esteem, appreciation and worth? If you do keep on ignoring your responsibility and the Lords command to teach and instruct your children about the Word of God. 

Fathers, it all starts and ends with you!  

Not your wife, not the church, not their soccer coach or any other sports coach. No the responsibility for teaching and instructing your children rests squarely on your shoulders.  

Colossians 3:21 – Fathers do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged. 

Embitter – to make bitter, to arouse bitter feelings.  

Bitter – causing or manifesting sharp physical or mental pain, or discomfort, harsh. Caused by or exhibiting strong animosity. Marked by rancor or disappointment.  

What is the second greatest commandment given to us by Jesus? 

Matthew 22:39 – Love your neighbor as yourself. Are our children our neighbor?  

Neighbor – one who lives near or adjacent to another, a fellow human being. To live or be located close by.  

Fellow – an equal or peer. Our children are not only our children and the Lord has asked us to love them as we love our self. 

In Ephesians 6:4 – we see that we are to train and instruct about the Lord.  

Train – an orderly series of related thoughts or events, sequence. To instruct or condition to some manner of behavior or performance. To make proficient through special instruction and drill. To cause to grow in or take on a desired shape or source. To direct, aim. 

Instruct – to impart knowledge or skill, teach. To direct, order.  

Teach – to communicate knowledge or skill. To provide instruction in. To give insight by example or experience.  

Fathers our role is laid out before us. In order for us to train, instruct and teach our children we must first have knowledge, understanding and wisdom and that comes from loving and serving the Lord, obeying his commands and living a life of obedience to the word of the Lord.  

Hebrews 8:10, 11 – explains what the Lord is willing to do. This is the new covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time declares the Lord, I will put my laws in their minds, and write them in their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, say “Know the Lord,” because they will know me from the least of them to the greatest. 

Our children know the Lord, we need to train and instruct them to walk in obedience to the Lord. Since we are responsible for them from birth it is our duty to help them see and hear clearly the voice of the Lord. It is our job to set the example, to be the role model, to pattern our own life in obedience so that our children will follow.  

Check back tomorrow for part 2 in this 6 post series, What do we teach our children.

 

 

Divorced Fathers grieve the loss of their child or children. From a divorced Father's perspective.

Divorced Fathers grieve the loss of their child or children.

From a divorced Father’s perspective.

Divorced Fathers can grieve the loss of the daily connection they had with their children if the children’s primary custody is awarded to the Mother in the divorce.  I don’t think Mothers who are awarded primary custody fully understand or appreciate that there are nurturing, loving Father’s who grieve the loss of their children. I am one of those Father’s.

I was as integral a part of the raising of the children, if not more involved in attending to the daily affairs of the children.

It was me who woke the children in the morning, who made them breakfast, made their sack lunches, drove them to school, picked them up from school, shuttled them around to their activities, coached their sports teams, helped them with their homework, put them to bed each night, read them stories or told them stories before they went to sleep.

My former spouse was a stay at home Mother and occasionally helped me with the children but it was I who was as equal a caretaker of the children.

The world that I knew while I was married abruptly changed when my former spouse and I divorced.  No longer was I care taking and attending to the needs of the children on a daily basis. My life prior to the divorce revolved around taking care of the children, taking care of the home, taking care of the needs of my former spouse, providing for my Family, running errands, devoted to my church  and the community.

You ask me how I had the time, I made time for what was most important to me and that was attending to the needs of my Family.

I had some early success in business and had children a little later in life which provided me with some flexibility when it came committing time to my family and my vocation.

I was and am grateful that I had those years with my children, that I could serve the needs of my children and my former spouse and that I was part of a family which for me was the greatest gift in the world.

I grieve the loss of being part of a family, of being involved in the day to day affairs of my children, of seeing their smiling faces in the morning and seeing them off to school.  I miss preparing a snack for them as I brought them home from school, of ferrying them off to their activities and spending time with them helping them with their homework. 

I miss seeing my children and I miss being part of a family.

For this Father the importance of my presence in the home was paramount to my happiness in my marriage.  I know the importance of a Father in a home and I was willing to fight to keep my marriage healthy and happy so that I could remain in the home even to the point of losing a piece of who I was as a person.  I may have compromised way too much in my marriage but I did so because of my strong belief that I needed to be there for my children.

(I will publish as my next blog “Daddy I love you” which you may want to read where I discuss the role and responsibility of a Father.)

Mothers you know what type of Father your former spouse was to your children.  If he was a dedicated, devoted, loving Father to the children, know this, he is grieving the loss of the children and he may not know how to show or articulate it, but he misses his children.

There are plenty of men who grew up in intact families that wanted to start a family of their own and had no notion that one day they would be divorced.  The role model of a Mother and Father remaining married throughout their life has now shattered with the divorce and for many men they have a difficult or hard time understanding their role as a parent when it comes to seeing their children live with their Mother.

This is foreign territory for these men.  They did not experience this growing up and they may have difficulty adjusting to seeing their children on a part time basis which may manifest itself in ways that will confuse the Mother.  Know this, it is confusing for the Father as well.

Mother’s if you are the primary caretaker and now the courts have awarded you custody and the Father now has the right to see his children every other weekend, a total of around 6 days a month, know this, he is hurting inside, he may not show it, but I will guarantee you, the loss of seeing his children outweighs everything else “if” he takes his role as a Father as his number one priority in life, as I did.

My former spouse does not get this.  Since our divorce she has decided it was up to the children to communicate with me regarding the parenting schedule.  She has refused to communicate with me regarding my visitation with the children.  She has also refused to drive the children to see me so I am the only one driving the kids back and forth between our two homes, which I gladly do. About a year ago my former spouse and her new husband moved an hour away from where the two of us were living (we were living 6 blocks away from each other in the same community).  I begged and pleaded with her not to move so far away, knowing that this would hurt my relationship with our children. My pleas fell on deaf ears. 

My children are teenagers now and have very busy and active lives.  I don’t see them as often as I like and I miss them. My former spouse continues to refuse the drive the children to see me and insist it is up to the children to determine if and when they will spend time with me, which these days is not very often. She insists if I want to see my children I should work it out with them. She takes absolutely no responsibility in making sure the children adhere to the visitation schedule. She refuses to participate in the parenting schedule leaving it all up to the children.

To make co-parenting matters worse, my former spouse refuses to communicate with me via phone, text or email and brought me back to court so that she may receive more child support even though there has been no material change in my employment situation. The child support was determined just over a year ago and since then my former spouse has been attempting repeatedly to try and get more child support.

I don’t think she understands the importance of a loving Father in the life of a child. 

All I ever wanted to be was a Dad, a Father my children could count on.

That was taken away from me when I got divorced.  It is not the same Fathering a child from a distance.  Calling and texting them, occasionally seeing them or going to their activities and events is not the same as seeing them every day.

Mom’s, there are some Dads who love their children so much that they would do most anything they could to spend TIME with them.  If your former spouse is one of these Father’s, please help him get the TIME he needs to be around his children.  Your children are the ones who will benefit.  Children need both  a Mother and a Father, not just a Mother and not a Mother and a Step Father. A child has the right to know their Father. A Father has a right to parent their children.

Lets all just get along for the sake of the child.

God bless you all.  May he fill your life with peace, joy and happiness