By Bill Conley
Introduction
Let’s set the scene. You’re
strolling through your favorite store, bouncing from rack to rack, holding up
outfits, comparing candles, or thumbing through throw pillows for the living
room couch. You’re in your happy place. You’re in the zone. Meanwhile, just a
few steps behind you (or worse, sitting on an uncomfortable bench with a vacant
stare), stands your man—disengaged, disinterested, and dying inside.
Let’s be honest, ladies. Do you really
think dragging your man along on your shopping escapades brings him any joy? Do
you think he's secretly thrilled to be your personal bag holder, fashion
consultant, or sounding board for which shade of beige is best? If you’re
nodding your head yes, it’s time for a serious reality check.
Men don’t like shopping—not the way
women do. Shopping, for most men, is a task, not a pastime. It’s a surgical
strike, not a scavenger hunt. Go in, grab what’s needed, get out. Fast.
Efficient. Done. So when they’re asked to come along—under the illusion of
“quality time”—what you’re really asking is for them to endure a form of quiet
torture in the name of companionship.
This isn’t about whether he loves
you. He does. This isn’t about whether he wants to spend time with you. He
does. But ladies, dragging a man through store after store for hours on end is
not quality time. It’s captivity. And if your idea of love is making him
follow you like a bored puppy as you browse aisles you’ve already walked down
three times before, then perhaps love needs a little recalibration.
It’s time to be honest—with yourself
and with your man. Shopping doesn’t have to be a shared experience. In fact,
for the health of your relationship, it shouldn’t be. Go shopping with
your girlfriends. Go solo. But don’t drag your man along just because you don’t
want to go alone. That’s not love. That’s selfishness.
Let him be. Let him stay home. Let
him fish, golf, watch the game, or do whatever brings him peace. In return,
you’ll find that when you do spend time together—doing things you both
enjoy—it’s more meaningful, more engaging, and far less likely to end in silent
resentment.
For decades, culture has reinforced
the idea that couples should do everything together. But in reality, a
healthy relationship isn’t about constant togetherness—it’s about respecting
differences. Shopping is a prime example of where many women misunderstand
what togetherness really means.
Men and women shop differently.
Women shop to browse, to touch, to explore. It’s often a therapeutic or bonding
experience. They might not even have a goal—just a general desire to “see
what’s out there.” For men, this is mind-numbing. They need a mission. Without
it, they’re left aimlessly trailing behind, wondering why they were brought
along in the first place.
Dragging a man shopping doesn’t say,
“I love you.” It says, “I want you to do what I want, even if it makes you
miserable.” That’s not partnership—that’s control. It’s the equivalent of your
man asking you to sit through four hours of fantasy football draft picks or to
accompany him while he browses the tools and lawn equipment aisle-by-aisle. Would
you enjoy that? Probably not. So why do so many women assume their shopping
routines are any different?
Let’s break down what actually
happens when you drag a man along shopping:
1.
He zones
out. You lose him five minutes in. He’s
not engaged, not helpful, and not happy. You start snapping at him for not
being enthusiastic. He starts pulling away emotionally.
2.
He gets
impatient. Every second feels like an hour.
His body is present, but his spirit has left the building.
3.
You start
arguing. His impatience frustrates you. Your
slow pace annoys him. Suddenly, what was supposed to be “together time” turns
into tension.
4.
He swears
never to come again. But next week, it happens all over
again—and the cycle repeats.
This kind of dynamic chips away at
your relationship. It turns something that should bring joy to you both into a
one-sided routine where one person’s needs are prioritized and the other’s are
dismissed.
Instead, embrace the idea of
“separate joys.” Let shopping be your time. Let him have his. Respect his
preferences as much as you want him to respect yours. And when you do things together,
make sure it’s something both of you genuinely enjoy.
Also, if there’s a shopping trip
that truly requires his input—say, buying a couch or a new appliance—communicate
it clearly and keep it brief. Be mindful of his time and patience. Go in with a
plan, not a six-hour browsing spree. He’ll appreciate the consideration, and
you’ll get more honest input from him when he’s not exhausted and annoyed.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, love isn’t
about dragging someone through your preferences—it’s about respecting theirs.
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding, shared joy, and balanced time
together. And nothing throws off that balance quite like forcing someone to
endure something they dislike just because you want the company.
So, ladies, stop dragging your man
through your shopping marathons. He’s not enjoying it. He’s not bonding. He’s
enduring. And when someone constantly endures instead of enjoys, resentment
builds. Quietly. Slowly. But it builds.
You want him to be happy, right?
Then honor what makes him feel respected. Let him opt out of your shopping
days. Trust me, it’s not rejection—it’s relief. And when he feels free, he’ll
be far more willing to say yes to the things that do matter to both of
you.
There’s nothing wrong with you
loving to shop. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to take your time, touch
all the fabrics, or explore every boutique. Just don’t make that his burden to
bear. Let him be free to do his thing while you do yours. You’ll both return to
each other happier, more balanced, and far more loving.
So next time you think, “Maybe
he’ll come with me,” ask yourself—“Would I want to be dragged through
something I don’t care about for hours on end?” If the answer is no, then
you already know what to do.
Let him go. Let him breathe. Let him
not shop with you.
It’s not just considerate.
It’s love.
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