Parenting or Passing the Buck? Why Your Child Deserves More Than Leftover Time

 Parenting or Passing the Buck? Why Your Child Deserves More Than Leftover Time

By Bill Conley – America’s Favorite Life Coach

Introduction

When you brought a child into this world, you made a commitment that is bigger than your job, your vacations, or your social calendar. You accepted a responsibility that stretches beyond yourself and requires sacrifice, devotion, and time. Parenting isn’t an optional hobby—it is the single most important role you will ever hold in your life. And yet, how many children today are growing up feeling like second place? How many are handed off to grandparents, babysitters, or neighbors while Mom and Dad chase career goals, personal pleasures, or endless “me time”?

If you are a parent, I want you to stop and ask yourself one simple but piercing question: “Am I giving my child my all?”

It’s easy to answer quickly and say, “Of course I am.” But are you really? Look at your schedule. Look at your priorities. Look at your choices. Your child sees more clearly than you realize. They see when you’re too busy at work. They see when you leave them behind to travel. They see when you go on vacations without them, and they notice when you say “later” but never follow through. Children are not fooled. They know when they are second best in their own parents’ lives.

Grandparents are wonderful blessings, but they are not supposed to be replacements for parents. A grandparent’s role is to love, to spoil a little, to share stories, to pass on wisdom—not to carry the burden of raising your children while you go off to live your life as if nothing has changed. When you hand your child over again and again, they learn something you might not intend: that your time, your job, your travels, your pleasures are more important than they are. And once that seed of doubt is planted, it grows.

This isn’t about guilt for the sake of guilt. This is about truth. You cannot replace time. You cannot buy it back later. Childhood is fleeting, and every moment you miss is gone forever. Too many parents tell themselves, “I’ll make it up when things slow down,” but life never slows down. Work demands will always be there. Travel opportunities will keep coming. Vacations will tempt you. But your child will only be little once.

The question is simple: Do they come first—or do you? If your answer is anything other than “They come first,” then you need to re-evaluate why you became a parent in the first place. Parenting is not about convenience. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about selflessness. And most of all, it’s about showing up every single day, not just when it’s easy.

Are you living selfishly?
Too many parents hide behind excuses that sound reasonable on the surface but are deeply selfish underneath. “I need some time for myself.” “I deserve a break.” “I work hard, so I earned this trip.” Of course, rest is important. Of course, adults need balance. But let’s be brutally honest: the day you decided to bring a child into this world, you gave up the luxury of living solely for yourself. Parenting demands sacrifice, not self-indulgence.

“Parenting is not about your convenience—it’s about your sacrifice.”

When your child sees you packing bags for yet another getaway that doesn’t include them, or hears you say, “Mommy and Daddy are busy,” what message are you sending? You’re teaching them that your needs matter more than theirs. That is not parenting. That is selfishness dressed up as justification.

Does your child come before your work?
We live in a culture that glorifies busyness and hustle. Promotions, bonuses, titles—parents chase these as if they are the ultimate prize. But here’s the reality: the world will move on without you.

“Your job can replace you. Your child cannot.”

Your job can replace you. Your company will survive. But your child only has one mother. One father. One chance at a stable, loving home. If you constantly choose work over them, you are robbing them of something money can never buy. I’ve seen children sit in school auditoriums scanning the crowd, hoping their parent shows up for the play, the concert, or the award ceremony. Too often, that seat stays empty. The child forces a smile, but inside, they ache. And the unspoken message is clear: “Work matters more than you.” No paycheck in the world is worth that.

Do you choose travel and vacations before your child?
Vacations can either build a child’s core memories or deepen their sense of abandonment.

“When you go on vacation without your child, what you are really saying is: ‘We want joy without you.’”

Imagine the sting a child feels when they see sun-soaked pictures of their parents on a beach while they are left behind with Grandma again. Do you think they don’t notice? Do you think they don’t compare themselves to your priorities? Parents sometimes argue, “Kids won’t enjoy this trip,” or “They’ll be fine with Grandma.” That’s not the point. It’s not about luxury or convenience—it’s about presence. Children don’t care if the hotel has five stars or one star. They care that you are there. They care that you choose to make memories with them instead of without them.

Why did you bring a child into this world?
It may sound harsh, but it’s a question every parent must face: Why did you decide to have a child? Was it an accident? Was it pressure from others? Was it part of your plan? Regardless of the reason, the moment you became a parent, you accepted the responsibility.

“Grandparents are blessings—but they are not supposed to raise your children a second time.”

If your lifestyle is structured around constantly handing your child to grandparents or caregivers, then you’ve abdicated that responsibility. A child needs Mom and Dad. They need the comfort of knowing their parents are not just names on a birth certificate but the people who actually show up every day.

Do you realize the damage you cause?
Every time you leave, your child feels it. They may not have the words to express it, but the wound is real. A child who is left behind again and again starts to internalize the belief: “I am not important enough.”

“Every time you leave, your child silently wonders: Am I not important enough?”

That belief can follow them into adolescence and adulthood, manifesting as insecurity, anxiety, or difficulty in relationships. They may become clingy, desperate for approval, or the opposite—detached, afraid to trust anyone. Parents who dismiss this by saying, “They’ll be fine, they’re with Grandma,” are lying to themselves. Yes, your child may be safe, but safe does not equal satisfied. Safe does not equal loved. Safe does not equal “I matter.”

Consider this: A father spends long hours at work, telling himself he is providing. But when his son looks at him, he doesn’t see a provider—he sees absence. He doesn’t care about the bigger house or the new car. He cares about whether Dad shows up to play catch. Or take a walk. Or sit and listen.

“Providing without presence is a hollow gift.”

Or picture a mother who insists she needs “girls’ weekends” several times a year, leaving her daughter with relatives. The daughter may smile and hug Grandma, but inside she wonders, “Why doesn’t Mom want to spend time with me?” That question doesn’t fade with age. It hardens into resentment.

Your child only gets one childhood.
This truth cannot be repeated enough. You cannot hit pause. You cannot rewind. The moments you miss—first steps, little league games, birthday candles—are gone forever.

“Your child only gets one childhood. Don’t waste it.”

Parents who live selfishly often console themselves with promises of “later.” Later, we’ll spend more time together. Later, we’ll take a family trip. Later, I’ll slow down. But later rarely comes. By the time you wake up to reality, your child will be grown, and the chance will be lost.

Stop dumping your child on grandparents.
Let’s address this head-on. Grandparents have already done their job. They raised their children—you. It is not fair to place the full weight of parenting on them again while you gallivant through life.

“Stop dumping your child on grandparents. You are the parent—act like it.”

Yes, they may be willing. Yes, they may love it. But at the end of the day, they are not Mom. They are not Dad. And your child knows it. Do not deceive yourself into thinking it’s “just as good.” It isn’t. You cannot outsource parenting.

Conclusion

Parenting is not about you anymore. It’s not about your career, your vacations, or your time. It is about them. It is about shaping a life, providing stability, offering love, and showing your child every single day that they matter more than anything else in the world.

When you consistently choose your work, your hobbies, or your travel over your child, you are telling them, “You are not enough.” You may not say it with your words, but you are shouting it with your actions. And actions, not intentions, are what children believe.

Your children don’t need perfect parents. They don’t need expensive gifts, extravagant trips, or constant entertainment. They need presence. They need hugs. They need bedtime stories. They need to hear your voice cheering at their soccer game, not excuses about why you weren’t there. They need you to set down your phone, shut off your computer, and simply look them in the eyes and listen.

If you are honest with yourself and realize you’ve been living selfishly, there is hope. You can change today. Cancel that unnecessary trip. Say no to that extra project at work. Take your child on vacation with you. Spend a Saturday doing nothing except being with them. Rebuild the trust that absence has stolen. Because once your children are grown, you don’t get another chance.

So I ask you again: Are you giving your child your all? Or are you giving them what’s left over after you’ve fed your own wants?

“The greatest gift you can ever offer is not money, not vacations, not things—it is your time.”

And the only person who can give that to your child is you.