Forgive and Forget.

 

Forgive and forget

                                                                                                          

What is forgiveness – to pardon or absolve. To stop being angry about or resentful against. To give up or let go.

 

Pardon – to cleanse from disfavor or punishment. To permit (an offense) to pass without punishment. To excuse, forgive.

 

Absolve – to clear of blame or guilt. To relieve of an obligation.

 

Matthew 6:14, 15 – the good Lord said, for if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.

 

When our sins are not forgiven what feelings do we harbor and carry around with us?

 

Guilt, shame, blame, anger, disappointment, failure, and loser.

 

We tell ourselves that we should have known better, that we were weak, that our human side got the best of us, that we had no choice, we rationalize, justify, distort, even lie to our self, telling our self well that wasn’t so bad.

 

We start to become our own judge and jury of our behavior.

 

There are three kinds of forgiveness.

 

First we have the spoken word, saying things like I forgive you.

 

We now know that when we forgive someone of a transgression that we are in effect pardoning them and absolving them. How many of us feel affected by the sins of others against others and not us? We even blame, place shame on the transgressor even though their transgression is not against us.

 

I have this to say about that – Matthew 7:1 – Do not judge or you to will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured against you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye. How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, first take the plank out your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye.

 

In John we read the story of a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. The custom at that time was to take that person out and stone them to death. They brought this woman before Jesus and asked what he thought he responded in John 8:7 – If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her. In Romans 12:19 – Do not take revenge my friends but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written “It is mine to avenge, I will repay,” says the Lord.

 

We are called to forgive others, not to blame or shame others not to seek revenge from others, do not repay anyone evil for evil.

 

Romans 12:17 – We are called to always love our neighbor.

 

We may be disappointed in their actions or behavior; however, we are called to forgive them for their transgressions against us and others.

 

Isn’t it amazing how worried we become about our own reputation when someone we affiliate or associate with transgresses against another?

 

Let’s say our children, our teenage son or daughter runs afoul with the law, or commits a transgression for all to see. It seems to me we go through the following thought process.

 

First, how does their transgression affect my honor, dignity, reputation in the community in which we live?

 

Secondly, how does their transgression affect me personally?

 

Third, how does their transgression affect their standing in the community?

 

Lastly, how does their transgression affect them personally?

 

It seems as though parents are more concerned about:

1.    their standing in the community

2.    how it affect them personally

3.    the child’s standing in the community

4.    how it affect the child personally

When our son or daughter transgresses against another, it has absolutely no bearing on us, our reputation or the child’s reputation.

 

It does however become critical to…

 

1. Love the child

 

2. Forgive the child

 

3. Help the child make amends

 

4. Help them follow through with those amends.

 

When we have erred we need to take personal responsibility for our actions.

 

We need to acknowledge our sin, accept that we have sinned, forgive ourselves of our sin, commit to forsaking that sin and then begin the repentance process to make amends for our sin.

 

It is not enough to say you’re sorry you must demonstrate through action that you truly are repentant of your sins.

 

You must make amends for your transgression. Every sin carries with it a consequence, if you are going to commit the sin, you must be willing to suffer the consequence.

 

Consequence – an effect or result. Distinction or importance.

 

The good Lord told us that the consequence of unresolved sin is death.

 

Romans 6:23 – For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.

 

Those that don’t seek absolution, a pardon, forgiveness from the Lord are destine to death, an afterlife with Satan.

 

We also see that we need to forgive others first of their transgressions before we can receive a pardon from the Lord.

 

That leads us to our second kind of forgiveness, remember first is the spoken word which we can verbally announce to others as well as the individual, we can also verbally ask the Lord to forgive an individual.

 

Second we must forgive them in our heart.

 

It is one thing to verbally tell someone you forgive them; it is another thing to have your heart forgive them. When we forgive someone in our heart we are telling our self that we are willing to give a complete pardon and absolution for the transgression.

 

This is easier said than done.

 

When someone has injured us or sin against us, only through the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God will we be able to truly and fully forgive someone of their sin.

 

We cannot forgive sins, the Lord forgives sins.

 

We can say we forgive someone of their sin, but what we are really asking the Lord is this. Lord please forgive those who have sinned against me.

 

The Lord’s Prayer Matthew 6:12, they use the word debtors, others use the word transgression and still other versions of the bible use the word sins.

 

It is the Lord’s responsibility to forgive sin; we can simply ask him to forgive those sins of others against us.

 

Through the Holy Spirit the Lord will soften our heart to the point when we truly have forgiven another.

 

Each time we don’t forgive another of their transgression we harbor ill will against that individual.

 

Ill will is evil, it is non-trusting, judgmental, conceited, unloving.

 

We begin to rebuild ill will when we verbally tell someone we forgive them and we begin to rebuild lost trust, faith, belief, and love in an individual when the Holy Spirit intervenes within us and softens our heart.

Remember the Lord is the one forgiving sins, we can only ask him to forgive the sins of others.

 

The last thing in the forgiveness process is forgetting.

 

Forget – to be unable to remember. To fail to attend to, neglect. To fail to become aware of at the right time.

 

How easy is it to say we forgive, how difficult is it for us to forget what others have done to us.

 

We all desire to carry around this victim mentality, as though we carry a badge of honor that we are injured, martyred.

 

Martyr – one who makes a great sacrifice to advance a belief, cause or principle. One who endures great suffering.

 

Victim – one harmed or killed by another. One harmed by an act, circumstance or condition.

 

Isn’t it easier to play the victim, the injured party, the one harmed?

 

We do this to receive attention, sympathy, comfort and mercy.

 

Being or playing the victim allows us to live in pain, misery and suffering with justification.

 

We can say to our self, it is okay to not move on with my life, change my life, and get over something because of what someone else had done to me.

 

That is nothing but a big….

 

Excuse – to forgive or pardon. To make allowance for, overlook. To apologize for. To justify. To release from duty, exempt. To allow to leave, release. An explanation for eliciting forgiveness.

 

Many of us in life are looking for justification, a reason, to live in misery and pain.

 

If we become a victim, we have offered our self this martyr status and can justify not moving on with our life.

 

It allows us to stop making changes, stop living, placing blame on others for our inability to forgive and forget.

 

The world loves a martyr, a victim we tell our self.

 

This is my way of getting attention, of controlling a person or situation, a way of garnishing sympathy and in many cases money.

 

When we don’t forgive or forget someone, we can claim the victim status.

 

Claim – to demand or ask for as ones due or ones owed. To state to be true, assert. To call for, require. A claiming of something as ones rightfully due. Something claimed.

 

Status – the state of a person or thing as defined by law, regulations or customs. A state of affairs, situation. A relative or high position, especially in a social system.

 

By claiming that we are a victim we are attempting to elevate our social status within the eyes of the world which we live.

 

What does the Lord tell us about this?

 

Matthew 18:15-20 – “A brother who sins against you” – If your brothers sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

 

Most of us enjoy or revel in being the victim; we don’t forgive or forget so that we can

 

1. Control the situation or person

 

2. Elevate our status, to a position of authority, or within the eyes of the world

 

3. Play the poor me, martyr role, so as to garner sympathy from others

 

4. Free our self, justify our behavior, so as to allow our self to wallow in self-pity, loneliness, suffering, despair, pain, misery.

 

5. Seek the attention, compassion, sympathy, comfort of others

 

6. Seek monetary compensation for our loss.

 

It would be difficult if not next to impossible for us to play the victim role if we forgave and forgot the transgressor and their transgression.

 

What would that buy us?

 

When someone transgresses against us we immediately attempt to leverage the situation to our benefit.

 

We attempt to capitalize on the situation to our gain.

 

Many of us are looking for financial gain (money) without having to expend the energy, time to make it.

 

Look at all the people who play the lottery, initiate lawsuits, use a transgression against a spouse or immediate family member to gain control over the relationship.

 

We are all looking for this “see what you have done to me” situation in order to capitalize in the situation.

 

Thanks to lawyers our society lifts up those have been victimized and shames those that have committed the sin, transgression, crime.

 

Jesus said in Like 11:46 – And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you lead people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them. Luke 11:52 – Woe to you experts of the law, because you have taken away the key of knowledge. You yourself have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering.

 

Let’s look at the definition of forgiveness again as it relates to forgetting.

 

Forgiveness – to pardon or absolve. To stop being angry about or resentful against. To give up or let go.

We don’t need lawyers, we need to forgive, forget and love our neighbor of ourselves.

 

We are not victims, we are Christians.

 

Followers of Christ, we do not judge, we do not repay evil for evil, we do not seek revenge, and we forgive, forget and love.

 

That includes our self.

 

There is no reason to hang a millstone around our neck and cast our self into the sea, drowning our self, purging society of our dreadful behaviors. There is no reason to live with guilt, shame or blame, remorse, continuing punishing our self over and over again for the same transgression or pattern of transgression.

 

Guilt, shame, blame, condemnation, pain, suffering, misery, self-destruction, mutilation, is for the unforgiven.

 

Those who don’t forgive others of their transgressions and who don’t ask forgiveness of their own sins can live with guilt, etc.

 

For those who walk in the way of the Lord, obeying his commandments, believing in our Lord Jesus Christ, seeking forgiveness of others as well as thyself there is a release of sin, that chain that binds us to death and destruction and we have been renewed, redeemed, forgive and will receive the blessings of Galatians 5:22-24 – But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

 

Those who belong to Jesus Christ have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. We need to forgive and forget our sins and transgressions, the Lord does.

 

He absolves us, pardons us of our transgression and when we are truly walking with him, the Holy Spirit will soften our hearts to forgive and forget our own transgressions.

 

Again we cannot do it on our own; it will only be accomplished by the grace of God and the help or assistance of the Holy Spirit.

 

With men, time and venue can be healers.

 

Given enough time and a change of venue, people may eventually forget those transgressions against them.

 

However for many of us we will carry these transgressions to the grave.

 

When we carry them with us to the grave, we will receive death beyond the grave as well.

 

To be alive in Christ here on this earth and especially after we die, we must forgive and forget.

 

The Holy Spirit will help us forget if we allow him, praise to you Lord Jesus Christ for this bit of insight this wonderful Sunday morning.

 

I love you my Lord. I pray that you provide the children with an obedient heart.

 

I thank you Lord for my lot in life.

 

Lord I forgive those who have transgressed against me, I also pray Lord that you forgive me of my transgressions against you and others.

 

I pray that the Holy Spirit helps me to forget and move on.

 

I am not a victim, I am a Christian.

 

A follower of Jesus Christ and I commit to loving and serving my Lord and loving my neighbor as myself. Lord I pray that you will watch over my writing and protect me from all evil and temptation.

 

I trust you Lord, I will do your will, and I will not seek my own glory but give you the honor, the praise and the glory.

 

Amen.