Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

 

Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

 

Why are we so desperate to seek others approval? Why do we spend our lives conforming to man’s opinion versus our Lord’s? What drives this insatiable need for love, acceptance, approval, recognition etc? Fear? Insecurity? Incompleteness? Lack of self-worth, esteem, love? Fear of the unknown? Loneliness? Need to conform to societal standards? Are we misguided? Why aren’t we ever satisfied? Why does the well always run dry? Why the longing to be needed, appreciated etc.? Why do we seek men’s approval? Why is it so difficult to believe in the word of God? Do we not trust him? Do we not believe him? Do we not have faith in him? Why aren’t we certain?

 

What do the scriptures tell us?

 

They tell us to trust the Lord, have faith in his promises, obey his commands, and count on his covenants. Trust in man’s view of us demonstrates our lack of faith, trust and love in the Lord. The world in which we live is inherently evil. When we attempt to conform to the world’s point of view we become lost! Confused! Angered! Resentful! Depressed! Saddened! Hurt! Disappointed! Frustrated! Disillusioned! Bitter! Hostile! Miserable! We then go out intending to inflict pain and agony back to the world in which we live.

 

First, we hurt ourselves and create within ourselves an environment which allows us to harm others. We inflict pain and suffering on ourselves then we try to mask that pain and suffering with drugs, alcohol, money, sex, material possessions, lustful desires etc. We have such pain in our heart from our separation from the Lord that we attempt to find joy in the world – impossible! Our joy comes from loving and serving the Lord.

 

When we seek comfort in men we will find sadness because we are looking to take in order to be filled. When we seek comfort in the Lord we are looking to give in order to be filled. We take from men, we give to the Lord!

 

Since we cannot take from men without them giving up something we invariably run into conflict! In order to take something, you must be willing to give something. If someone is an unwilling giver then they find resentment, anger, frustration with the taker. In relationships we see this all the time, takers and givers, givers and takers. A big problem with this is our belief that we should receive an equal amount back for that which we give – impossible!

 

Life is not fair, if you expect it to be you will be greatly disappointed.

 

When there is an imbalance, even a perceived imbalance of giving vs. taking conflict arises causing confrontation, anger, bitterness, jealousy, frustration, pain. In relationships when this happens love becomes conditional vs. unconditional. Love is measured in relation to our fulfillment. It becomes a condition of the relationship. When one is fulfilled, love is given more freely, when it is not, love is not given freely or at all causing one's partner left to wonder – am I loved? Does the other person care for me? What did I do wrong? How can I fix things? Am I worthless? Am I unworthy to be loved? Am I ugly? Unattractive? A bad lover? All kinds of insecurity develops when our experiences and perceived imbalance of give and take in a relationship is based on condition. Unfortunately, most relationships in our society are founded in the principle of "what is in it for me?" "What can I get from the relationship?" "What can they do for me?" "How will I appear to man within the context of the world?" True love means never having to say you are sorry.

 

True love is based on the principle of giving not getting. Our Lord has called us to love and serve; he loves a cheerful, sincere giver. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves, we are called to obey his commands, and he asked us to pray unceasingly, observe the Sabbath day, teach our children about Jesus etc. When we care about what others think and say about us, we are conformed to the world and its opinion of us – we will lose every time. There is no way to find joy in fulfilling the world's opinion of us. The world's opinion is forever changing.

 

The treadmill of life