All I ever wanted to be is a full time, Dad. Divorce changed all that.

 All I ever wanted to be is a full time Dad.

                                    Divorce changed all that.

All I ever wanted to be was a full time Dad, divorce changed all that.  Growing up I had an idyllic childhood; wonderful loving parents, 7 siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, life could not have been better.

As I grew into adulthood I knew I wanted a family, I wanted to have children, a stay at home wife, a house in the suburbs and a stable job.  Most importantly I wanted to be a full time Dad.  I wanted to wake up to my children, I wanted to put my children to bed, I wanted to play with my children and see my children grow.  I wanted to devote myself to my wife and my children. All that changed when I got divorced, my former spouse move a considerable distance away and my two daughters grew into teenagers. 

No longer did I see my children in the morning or the evening; no longer was I able to spend time on a daily basis catching up with their lives. No longer did I see their smiling faces. 

It seems like all I have been left with these days are phone calls and text and the occasional visit. 

All I ever wanted to be was a full time Dad.

There are days I painfully grieve the loss of the relationship with my children, where tears stream down my face uncontrollably, where the sense of loss is so great that I find myself lying in bed wondering how can I improve the situation I have found myself in.

I tell my children all the time how important they are to me, that I want to spend time with them, that I am willing to do anything to spend time with them, this all falls on deaf ears, they are way too busy to spend time with their Father.

They have no idea how I hurt inside, no idea the pain I feel in my heart, no idea how badly I would love to spend time with them.

I wish they could understand. I wish they appreciated me. I wish they didn’t live so far away and I wish they knew how deeply I loved them and would do anything just to spend a few minutes with them.

Divorce sucks.